MONster's Ink

Sad day: A close aunt passed away.

2011-01-31T01:54:00.004-05:00

I just learned that an aunt of mine just passed away in Manila. She was close to me. I remember when I was five or six, she would always bring me strawberries from Baguio, a town in the Philippines with an average temperature cool enough to grow them. She was working there and would go to my lola's home during the weekend. I would cry when she failed to bring some. It is extremely difficult to get strawberries in Manila and if it's available, it would be so expensive. It was my favorite. I was ecstatic every time she brings some for me.

She succumbed with an illness that we still don't know up to now. Her disease had baffled me and my colleagues in Manila. Her bones were simply eaten away and her body deteriorated to bone and flesh. Over the last six months, she was a lot of weight, approximately 80% of her previous. We have been working her up for a primary malignancy but nothing had turned positive. Every workup that I ordered excluded our differential diagnosis and until her demise, nothing is entirely definite. Amidst the workup, she was withering away in full speed.

I was looking at my pictures in facebook this evening, mustering my inspiration to write up my research proposal. A task that I have been putting aside to do for the Nth time. It has been an emotionally draining day that I could not gather my faculties to focus on that task. I felt a tinge of guilt while looking at my vacation photos, feeling that my aunt never had the opportunity to travel as much as I did. She liked going to places but her fear of flying has always deterred her in going overseas. She loved going to the beach and going to town fiestas. She liked the excitement of meeting new people and playing mahjong. She has a hearty laugh that seems to be genetic and likes eating food.

Tinge of guilt. It still resounds on the walls of my consciousness right now. I'm afraid, her course had been different if I were in Manila. If I could have seen her wither away, I might have pushed for more testing, more aggressive treatments. I only hear my family's description of how frail she was. I wish I had given more presents from the US for her--she was ecstatic even with a small bottle of lotion from Bath&Body Works. I wish I could have given her more of that. Strawberries and bottles of lotion: it's amazing how we take for granted some of small things in this life.

I thought of her when I was planning a family trip to Boracay the last time I went home. It was about time for her to get over the fear of flying, I thought. It would be nice to take her in the island and see the nice beach. That trip never happened: my sister was also sick and she needed to stay in Manila. My aunt was okay to curb our plans, she was happy with the trinkets I brought her from the US and from the food we had in Manila.

She passed away just like that. I didn't know how to treat her. We don't know what's wrong. The ball of guilt that has been bouncing on the walls of my vessel now grew spikes that scrapes and burns me from the inside out. Never did I give up on anything--even in this case, but time has withered her away so fast. It was like a sudden sweep of air had passed and lifted her from the ground. I had to shield my eyes from the dust and leaves, not knowing when it cleared away, she too, was gone.

I believe she is in a better place now. Rest well, Ninang and may you soar to the heavens without fear.

SPAM is not just a Filipino breakfast choice

2011-01-29T03:12:00.002-05:00

I never liked spam. And spammers. This blog is infested with it and I don't know what to do with it. Well, it's not a plague of spams but I get it in my mail saying there's a blah blah post in your blog, etc. Its just...annoying. I don't know now if I should keep this page or not.

But I like my old posts...it sets my foot down and remind me of the hikes I made. The huffing and puffing before I got to where I am now. I kinda like that. I like those blogs in a click away.

But I did open a Tumblr page now. Dunno now but they don't cross publish to either services. Just wondering how can I keep afloat with my blog without these spammers.

Anyway.

Last five months in Pennsylvania. Woohoo! I can taste the bitter-salty taste of freedom in the air. I am going to miss a lot of people from here. But as much as I would miss them, I miss the part of myself that I gave up to be in this place. I am reclaiming that in 5 months. Its like cracking a shell that covered me up for the last 2 years.

That deserves a different blog. A different page on my book. (figuratively) I am not on that task for now. Maybe in the distant future, I will work on a book. But not right now. So I am moving to a different phase but I am not sure if I am going to change to a different blog. Really struggling here, so please help out.

I am procastinating again. I am just so uninspired in doing my research paper right now. Its almost sunrise, I still have a bazillion things to do, and what am I doing? Blogging. Yeah. I think procastinating have evolved to another highly addicting hobby of mine.

Reality check. I should probably get some shut eye right now and be back in the morning. I like the idea of the other blog because I can talk about more detailed stuff in that. This one is being followed by some people I know in the past and has been following my blog. I still would like to keep the anonymity of a blog. I could publish shit, fuck and other colorful words as much as I want to. What do you think?

Anyway.

Eye shut. I am there.

So, where are we?

2010-07-06T01:57:00.001-05:00

After a 2 year blog hiatus, I am reopening this blog.

It's 2 o clock in the morning and I am sitting on a humongous red bean bag on a friend's basement, deciding to reopen an old mean of escape. An old friend. Oh, well, what the heck.

Things are different now, a little better, compared to how it was when I left off. I don't need to squander around looking for a gig. They called it moonlighting, I don't really need to give it a name. A 'gig' sounded fine since after everything, the jobs I had from the day I graduated from med school until 2008 are just gigs. A one night stand. Nothing changes after. It changed after 2008. I am tired of one night stands.

So where are we?

Life had been good. I get paid now on regular intervals and with a respectable amount. I get to travel now and then, which is much more often than what I am supposed to be. I tend to procrastinate a lot right now, compared to my first two years. Oh, those two years of catching up...reading stuff that I missed during my career hibernation. I already knew that medicine is a constant flow of information, but I didn't know it was a Niagara falls of knowledge. I haven't finished reading a single work of fiction for two years. I simply didn't have the time.

It's the 5th day of my seniorship. A huge year looms in front of me. As my academic load seems to lighten, a couple of personal projects are my focus this year. First, find him. Second, hablo muy bueno espanol and third, get real with photography. I am changing my body as well - getting rid of the flank fat and the double chin. I'll pray more often, as I am humbled by my recent tribulations. I need to quit my addictions and get tested for a lot of stuff.

Clean up and get better is this years motto.

Nice to be back. Ciao.

I Can't Believe DOH posted this...

2008-06-20T01:58:00.000-05:00

For the Country....

2008-06-18T02:56:00.000-05:00

I found this in my mailbox this morning and I agree with the list...starting from item number 1. Read on.

I found a book worth sharing "12 Little Things every Filipino Can Do To Help our Country" - Alexander L. Lacson

1. Follow traffic rules. Follow the law.

2. Whenever you buy or pay for anything, always ASK FOR AN OFFICIAL RECEIPT.

3. Don't buy smuggled goods. BUY LOCAL, buy Filipino.

4. When you talk to others, especially foreigners, speak POSITIVELY about us and our country

5. Respect your traffic enforcer, policeman and soldier

6. DO NOT LITTER. Dispose your garbage properly. Segregate, Recycle, Conserve.

7. Support your Church.

8. During elections, do your solemn duty.

9. Pay your employees well.

10. Pay your Taxes.

11. ADOPT A SCHOLAR or a POOR CHILD.

12. BE A GOOD PARENT. Teach your kids to follow the law and love our country.

I like his number 1. I totally agree that the traffic in the Philippines is setting us back. Traffic decreases productivity, since you come to work late, stressed and have to wake up really early to avoid it, but you keep running to it every friggin' day. I suffered, too, when I was in Manila. I hate it especially when I realize that somebody who get paid the same money in the same workplace woke up 30 minutes ago. My mom would always say, "You'll get used to it, cause I got used to it." As you can imagine, it will be another round of debate with my mom.

Disobeying traffic laws also show that we pinoys don't really care about each other. Its the lack of empathy and compassion for our fellow pinoys that make pinoy drivers crazy. Its always the race to the finish. It's always about claiming my right of way. Dog eats dog even in the street.

Buying smuggled goods is another past time for the Filipinos. I don't know anyone who hasn't been to 168. That's the bastion of smuggled goods in the country and it kills local industries. Greenhills is another smuggled goods heaven. People who buy from the tiangge are just condoning their business plus allow themselves to be fooled by rediculously jacked-up prices for imitation products. I agree, it doesn't help the economy at all.

I particularly hate Filipinos in the US who has nothing but bad comments about our country. Man, if you had a tough life in the Philippines, don't blame the country alone; blame yourself, too. I mean, the Philippines has a bad government, the worst traffic, the most corrupt officials, the dirtiest streets but my family and friends are there and I bet yours, too. Even though it's a shabby place, it is still home to me. I just don't have respect for Filipinos who bash our country without hesitation, nor remorse because I think the Philippines had enough of that. If you are in the States or anywhere abroad, or the Philippines doing good with your life, I guess we're in a better position than 90% of our fellowmen. It's enough reason to shut up.

Please feel free to share.

Tony Fever

2008-06-16T04:34:00.000-05:00

After getting back from Case's wedding reception, I had a momentary urge to bang my head on the wall for forgetting it was the TONY'S!!! Pakshet. But, thank God for Arvin's HD comcast cable with recording features, alas! nothing is missed. He already recorded it save for the first few minutes of the TONY'S. God, I love technology and my friends who appreciate it. So we sat down and view it before midnight.

I must say that the sound system is terrible. Some songs are distorted because of feedback and loss of fidelity on higher decibels. I wish the sound engineers are now on their knees in St. Patrick's, atoning for last night's folly.

It was an interesting season because there are a lot of unexpected nominees. In the Heights, a Broadway musical about the upper west latino village, obtained 13 nominations, while Cry-Baby had 11. I haven't seen these shows, since the season started after I went back to Manila, save for the revival of Gypsy. The show was initially a 2-week gig at the NYC City Theater, but later on, somebody produced it to go with these season's show in Broadway. I watched it with Arvin, Marialena, Cindy, Jong and of course, Alex. I should be thankful to Alex for dragging me to this show; although, I was interested from the start. Patty Lupone and a classic Broadway show is nothing to be missed.

And I am super surprised that Patti Lupone won Best Actress!! She truly deserved it! She delivered a very heart warming and super funny acceptance speech last night, which really cracked me up that I had to watch it again this morning. I was crying and chuckling at the same time.

Of course, I got emotional with the performance of the original cast of Rent. It was dedicated to Jonathan Larson, the playwright of the play who died suddenly of an aortic aneurysm while they were rehearsing. Rent started my Broadway frenzy long after I was a bit fascinated on Miss Saigon. For me, RENT was the epitome of a cool, hip Broadway play: minimal drama, less boring cadences of the usual Broadway songs and the rich, colorful, unconventional characters. It was my choice of Broadway, so I feel for it.

I had to shed a tear for Sondheim, this years' recepient of the Lifetime Achievement Award. He's terribly brilliant. The Stephen King of the Broadway stage. If I ever chose to get a Ph.D. in Broadway studies, I would be a Sondheim scholar. I could rave for hours of his brilliance. This year's revival of Sunday in The Park With George has a very interesting, technologically advanced, stage production. Gotta see that one.

In The Heights won Best Musical and I must say, I have to take the hat off to Lin-Manuel Miranda, the lyricist, composer AND lead actor of the play. He is one talented dude! Their performace looks fun and I am surely going to see that one.

I'm still burning with Tony fever and it will be tough to cool off in this hot summer day. It's almost 85 degrees here.

To Mac or Not To Mac

2008-06-13T03:31:00.000-05:00

Help me decide. I am about to buy a laptop and still torn on the idea of getting a mac vs a pc.

MAC: Primarily because I don't have to worry about viruses. The US is a different environment, there are hackers everywhere and identity theft is something that scares me. The thought that somewhere in Laredo, TX, an exotic stripper crosses to Mexico bearing my name and SSN is a scary thought: leaving the US is, when work supposed to start 10 days from now...being a stripper is big umph to my current social status.

WINDOWS: I've been a windows-user since the forging of the Rings of Power. I can operate it with my eyes closed while I spin two plates on a stick on my toes. I am so at home with windows, but I've tried Vista and it sucks. And there's the virus issue, too.

Other considerations:

1. Hospital system is not Mac-supported, but really, I don't want to take my work home.

2. I like Mac's wireless capability.

As If I Never Said Goodbye

2008-06-10T23:28:00.000-05:00

After several back-to-back-to-back parties, several drunk moments at 3am and after a gamut of stuff to buy, to endorse and to pack, I finally made it to Manhattan. It was a very tiresome 19 hour flight from Hongkong and it was good to be deprived of sleep. I slumped in my cramped Cathay Pacific airline chair, slept for 2 hours at a time and watching on-board movies in between. I finished 3 movies, I think -- the flight was THAT long.

I thought I only have a two-hour lay over in Hongkong, but no!, it was a 4-hour lay. I immediately went to an internet booth to email my family and friends, but gave it up after a Paki started hovering around me. After a few minutes he asked my help and begged to him use my internet. Yup, it was MY internet that he was intending to use. At first, I was reluctant to give in since it cost me an eclair and a milk tea, although I am not planning to spend on food. But after a few minutes, I let him use my remaining time. I need good karma.

The flight from Hongkong was uneventful. The food was horrible, although I wasn't expecting much from Cathay (I like Korean Air food best), but the on-flight entertainment system was great. I never had to talk to my seatmates (a hetero couple). I also finished the book I brought, The Red Tent, which I got from Booksale at P15. It wasn't that good despite the fact that the critics loved it in 2005, good thing I got it on a very cheap, dirt-cheap in fact, price.

INS and luggage claim was a breeze. I head out immediately to get my nicotine fix and started out to the Airtrain. I didn't plan on getting a cab since I have to live in a tight budget 'till I get my first paycheck (wohoo m excited) and I didn't have that much baggage anyway. I left most of my stuff here in NY and PA. It pays when you plan your every move.

So, off I went to the E train and arrived at 86th street station after a grueling hour ride from the airport. I touched down in Joseph's apartment's foyer at around 2:30am. We were excited to see each other again! We had to talk and smoke first before I shower and get to bed, so that's what we did.

It's nice to be back in the city. It will be a nice, warm and sunny day tomorrow...I don't even want to sleep.

Pack List

2008-06-03T16:28:00.000-05:00

After a weekend in Coron, Palawan, I find myself reluctant to leave my room for days until I fly out. Here I am in the middle of the morning sitting in front of my computer and wishing the days are longer. I have tons of stuff to do, but I am in my lamest mood and up to my favorite vice: procastinating. Probably everyone has this cacophony of emotions before leaving: excitement and anxiety, mostly, churning like a tide inside the gastric antrum. Strong emotions that comes in currents, upstream and sometimes, downstream, which just leave you wanting to stand perfectly still. Stillness, before the undertow is what I am experiencing right now.

I wanted to bring most of my stuff here in my room but it also makes sense to leave it all behind and start anew. Should I bring my favorite Spanish books? My 30+ novels that I needed to leave? Most probably not. I havet thought about it for days and concluded that there are just some things I should bring with me:

1. Notebooks, journals. Yeah, I keep those. Writers do and it is supposed to be a secret. I dream of becoming one. Just like being a full-pledge doctor -- it started with a dream. It feels like it, though. Because for the past three years of underpaid hospital duties and career uncertainty, it was a nightmare.

2. My WD hard drive: my 80GB song collection is just too precious. Not to mention my 105 Broadway albums ripped and stored in it. Well, the pictures since 2004 are among the pieces of gold in that electronic black box. Without it, I'll probably go into clinical depression. I can see myself staring in space for days, trying to pin every picture to memory and inconsolably weeping for my music.

3. Badminton shoes. I am still thinking if I am going to chug my trusted old badminton racket all the way to Pennsylvania...hmmm. Those shoes are still new; my racket is already five years old. He just had his birthday last week.

4. My pinstripe suit by Julius Tarog. It will suit me until I can afford to get a new one. I support Filipino designers...so probably I'll get a new one when I go back. It also served as a guide of my ideal body weight for my height; if I can't get into it, I should start doing cardio again.

5. A sentimental sweater from this years' birthday.

6. My favorite sportshirt from someone special. People will kill me if I spill the beans on this. So, zip.

That's it. The rest of my luggage will be for pasalubong. I stacked enough clothes in NY and PA to keep my ass covered for the next few weeks, until I have money to get discounted jeans from Old Navy. I don't want to bring that much luggage; it's just a pain in the butt to carry two of them to JFK.

Have You Ever Had A Surprise Party?

2008-05-27T09:14:00.000-05:00

Well, I mean, did your friends ever threw you a surprise party? The kind that they made you think you're one miserable bitch because they gave you lame reasons for not seeing you on the day you're supposed to celebrate? Are you getting me on this one? They text you: Oh, sorry I missed you last night. But I am sure we'll see you before you leave. Blah, blah, blah, but all the while they have this mischevious scheme of having that--hmm, attack--on the moment that you are least aware.

Have your friends painstakingly stalled you on a night that supposed to be a simple dinner? Well, later on it turns out to be something else, but you wonder, at that moment, if she is stalling or she actually was waiting for a patient? I was completely unsuspecting, despite the million short phone calls and secret texting, it was an ordinary night for dinner for me. Well, I did ask why she has to "reserve" a dinner for me in Pavillion, and later, why it has to be "moved" in Crowne? Mil, the orchestrator of all things planned, is one great hell of an actor I must say.

Have you ever been scammed like this? But hell, it was the best scam I've ever had. Especially I did not have a miniscule inkling of what's going on even to the last millisecond I flicked the door handle open. We were supposed to pick up a friend who checked-in the room, but why didn't he keep the lights on? That's when I saw the guilty one, my bestest friends in the world, their faces illuminated by three small candles, singing the you-know-what song in a low, muted voice while I stand there flabbergasted, dumbfounded. For the first time in my life, didn't know what to say. I shook my head. For five minutes.

Have you ever had that feeling? You were extremely happy, yet you can't help to think, why didn't I suspect anything? Why did I give them the satisfaction of succeeding in their deceit? I snapped out of these questions after a few blinks and a sigh. (literally. try it.) The overwhelming feeling of elation oversteps the rest. It trumped everything. Do I deserve all these? They keep telling me so. All I can say is 'okay'. It was one of the highlights of this year. Well, THE highlight of the year. I can't freaking beleeeeeve IT! I can't friggin' believe the effort. I can't completely believe the palabok, KFC chicken, Goldilocks cake and the Disney princess banner neatly laid out on the counter in front of the bed. I was shocked to see beautiful pink balloons ('It's a girl') strewn on the floor. I grew more silent as the clam pasta, rose wine (it was a pinot), red wine and vodka, dessert cakes, rotisserie chicken, yellow cab pizza kept pouring in. I feel like singing 'My favorite things'. I shook my head. For another 5 minutes.

It was one heck of a party. Each of them was one hell of a friend.

Freakout Time

2008-05-27T08:55:00.000-05:00

I am freaking out. There are still a bazillion things left to do and I am running out of time! This doesn't include the new project that I accepted last week. Stupid. I shouldn't have. But it seems easy, I coudn't say no despite the fact that it will leave me sleepless for a couple of days. Ugh.

And I have to get a non-prof driver's license within these two weeks. It will be my greatest project yet. I am not dreading the practical test, but I am confident that I have the teeny-weeny-albeit -ample knowledge to nail it. Teeheehee. Move the car. Check. Turn a corner. Check. Back to a parking space. Uh...check. Parallel park. Hmmm...I guess it won't be that hard. Hehe. As I've said, it will be my biggest project yet.

Why don't I have a driver's license? Why am I vehemently reluctant to drive? Well, I just think that all the friggin' jeepney and bus drivers in Commonwealth are all, well I have to say this in the vernacular, mamamatay-tao. Commonwealth is like a bump car arena. The only thing missing is the antenna and the buzzing, net-like, electrical contraption.

I really need to get this or else I'll be a flaming cripple diva for the first few months. Feather boa, wig and all. But no. I won't allow myself to be one. I can do this.

Magkano Na Ang Isang Unit Sa Peyups?

2008-05-27T00:38:00.000-05:00

The cost of college education: Do the math; weep and wonder
Linda Bolido
Philippine Daily Inquirer

May 26, 2008

MANILA, Philippines—With an income of P148,000 a year (according to
2003 data of the National Statistics Office), an average Filipino
family will not have enough money for food and will be unable to pay
rent (if it does not own its place of residence) even if just one
child enrolls in any of the country's top three universities this
school year.

Definitely, sending a second child to the same school is out of the
question.

Enrollment in several other major institutions, though not as
expensive, will still mean drastic cutbacks on budgets for food,
shelter and other essentials.

Data gathered by Inquirer Research from school accounting, admissions
and registrars' offices, showed that average Filipino families would
have to set aside from a third to half of their annual incomes if they
want to send a child to one of Metro Manila's better known schools,
with the exception of the state-owned Polytechnic University of the
Philippines (PUP).

Freshmen entering the University of Asia and the Pacific (UA&P) will
be charged P2,400 per unit and pay a total of P124,800 for two
semesters with a full load of 26 units per term.

De la Salle University (DLSU), which has a trimester calendar, has an
average unit cost of P2,045.33. A freshman enrolled for the whole year
and taking the full 18-unit load each term will have to pay about
P110,447.82.

The Ateneo de Manila University (ADMU) has a higher per unit cost than
UA&P and DLSU at P2,517.03. But because one school year is only two
semesters and a full load is only 18 units, the annual fee for a
freshman only comes up to P90,613.

Higher UP rate

The state-funded University of the Philippines (UP) system, which
recently raised its fees to P1,000 per unit amid protests from both
students and faculty, will cost a freshman P36,000 in one two-semester
year with a full load of 18 units per term.

Though that is almost one-fourth of an average family's annual income,
the amount is only about 28 percent of the UA&P annual fee.

This means a UP student can almost pay four years' tuition in the
state university with just one year of UA&P tuition.

The DLSU one-year tuition will pay for about three years at UP while
Ateneo's fee is equivalent to about two years and a half at the state
university.

The UP is now more expensive than San Sebastian College, which charges
P786 per unit or P33,012 per two-semester year of 21 units each and
College of the Holy Spirit (Manila) at P903.91 per unit or P32,540 per
two-semester year of 18 units each.

PUP, like the UP often in the forefront of student activism, charges
an almost unbelievable P12 per unit, for a total two-semester annual
fee, at 21 units per term, of only P504. Talk of a true school for the
masa!

It was not immediately known how the school is able to keep its
student population manageable but it has probably adopted stringent
entrance requirements.

Of the 21 schools surveyed by Inquirer Research, three have per unit
costs exceeding P2,000 and eight have rates over P1,000. Annual fees,
with the exception of UA&P and DLSU, total less than P100,000 though
they range from PUP's very low P504 to ADMU's P90,613.20.

Among the schools with large populations, the University of the East,
reputedly the institution with the most number of students, charges
P1,040 per unit for a total two-semester annual fee of P47,840, at 23
units per term.

Far Eastern University charges P1,100 per unit or a total of P55,000 a
year for two semesters at 25 units per term. The University of Santo
Tomas, at P1,072.90 per unit, charges P45,061.80 for a two-semester
year at 21 units per term.

Four percent share

According to NSO data as of 1997, education accounted for a little
less than four percent of an average family's annual expenditure. This
means, if the average annual income is P148,000, it would set aside,
strictly speaking, less than P6,000 a year for education.

Needless to say, food eats up (no pun intended) half of an average
family's income although it appears some belt-tightening had also to
be effected in 1997. NSO data showed that in 1988, food accounted for
50.7 percent of household expenditures. By 1997 this was down to 44.2
percent, a drop of more than six percent.

This was probably because housing costs increased over the same
period—from 12.8 percent of a family's budget in 1988 to 15.3 percent
in 1997. What little remained went into fuel, electricity, water,
clothing, transportation, medical care and other essentials. Saving is
definitely an alien concept to a family with this kind of budget.

How the average Filipino family is able to send not just one but two
or more children to school, pay for food and shelter, is probably not
just the result of prudent budgeting but also the assistance of both
formal and informal institutions like banks, money lenders and
generous relatives. With Kate Pedroso, Inquirer Research

--SUSME, 1,000 per unit...at sa Ateneo, magkano yun, P2517 per unit. Nakakaawa naman talaga ang mga Pilipino. Mamumulubi ka kahit sa UP ka magaral. Lintek na DepEd yan, kurakot kasi. Ewan. Sana masaya kayo sa buhay nyo. Nabubuhay kayo sa kurakot na pera. Gudlak, Pilipinas.

Mom's birthday

2008-05-19T00:54:00.000-05:00

The Internet was bogged down tonight. I guess some cell site was hit by lightning. It started to rain in the afternoon, eased out during the late afternoon, and continued to pour by early evening. I remember hearing a huge boom while in the middle of my afternoon movie, Charlie Wilson's War. It was entirely talk and the boom lifted my booty from where I was. I lifted a book from my overhead shelf, chose the one I've been trying to nail. It was a novel by Edgwick Danticat, a feminist from Haiti, with stories from her native land prior to moving to America. She related the stories from Haiti when it was ravaged by alienating forces which lead them to America. The last section of the book is about her conversion into an American citizen and how her mother keeps bringing her down to her roots. Her voice echoed the millions of Haitian women's voices, transplanted from their native land and nudging their elbows throughout their life to keep them from drowning in the quagmire of American influence.

It was a powerful book. It shines another light to the power of literature. The mighty pen, which I have always admired, proves its worth in the preservation of emotions, thought and the reverence of the living to their dead bloodkin. Powerful and moving. I laid it down to my shelf after I leafed through its final pages.

Then, I picked up the novel In The Memory of Running. Its about an overweight, drunk, middle aged guy coping with the death of his parents after a shocking accident. I only got to the part where he saw his mother lying on the hospital bed; she suffered with broken ribs and a broken hip after a fateful car crash, but alas, no head injuries. I had to put it down after an hour of reading for it forced me to think about my mom.

Her birthday is coming in two days. Mother's day, which is yesterday, was spent with my aunts from Australia. We never had a family thing, which I somehow detest. My mom is too practical for sentimental things like that. She would rather sit at home and knit, than take us out for a family activity. My dad is too passive to comment, which I also hate. The thought of me leaving in less than a month never stirred them from where they usually sit in our house.

I have the habit of using travel mementos as bookmarks. I usually pull one from a stack of old Metrocards, museum tickets, Broadway tickets and little thingamajigs from my highschool friends. For this book, I pulled out an old ticket for a oceanarium in Pattaya beach. A small piece of paper from our "family" trip to Bangkok 6 years ago. It was supposed to be a family trip but my dad, as usual, chose to stay at home. So, I was off with my brother and sister, and of course, mom. My mom will never pass on trips like that. It was a memorable trip, nevertheless; it was my first time to go out with my siblings, and the first time I realized that I can never travel with my mom.

We were too alike in ways, but on spending. She was always tight-fisted about money and we grew up knowing that we are so poor. In a way, we were and still I believe, we are; but I know there are a million kids out there sleeping with an empty belly. It is suffice to say that we live life in a pretty much basic way. We never had the luxuries in life that most of my friends have accustomed to have. My siblings and I learned when we are kids that needs will always be a priority; the wants should be set aside or never be realized at all. Somehow, during my adolescent years, I realized that the the 'wants' are sometimes needed in order for one to be happy, but to my mom, everything is just mind set. I guess that's how she wants to raise her kids.

So, we went to Bangkok and ended up fighting over how costly one dinner was. I was really infuriated on how cheap she would get. I stormed out of the restaurant and looked for a place to eat and get a drink. I was so pissed. But it was just another fight between us, the next day we were talking in a civil way that will not upset others. Anyway, it had been like that for several years. We fight, take three days off talking and finally opens up when our heads cool down. It is such a bad way to treat a mother, I know, but it happens all the time. After my experience in America, I can never throw tantrums around her anymore. I have learned a lot of values after spending several months without family in the States; realizing that life is too short for unnecessary rifts is just one of them. And besides, she never left me. She was always there as I carry out my misconstrued professional dream.

For two years, I've been forsaking her birthday, since it coincides with the Pahiyas festival in Lucban. Too lame for a reason, but the gustatory excitement in Lucban is too tempting to look the other way. My non-sentimental mom would usually have some guests in the house to celebrate her birthday with and it is another thing that I don't approve. The clash of values is too much for me. So, we've been spending her birthday apart from each other. It worked during the previous years and we both had the time of our lives during her birthday. Concentiously, I would give her presents just to rub a bit of the guilt off. But, life is more than presents, nor money, as I have learned from my own tribulations. Family matters most.

For this year, I find it hard to say no to keep her company on her birthday. It will be my last Lucban fiesta before I sail off and for that matter, her last birthday that I will be here in the country. I cannot tell if I will be here on the next. Sadly, I have to think this off after tomorrow and it is just painful as it is. She'll be turning 60 in two days and these books I have been reading started to let me rethink once again. Both books pondered on the worth of being the woman of the house, the matriarch who gave birth and a largely painful loss to one's spirit once it is gone. She is more than my mom, actually; she's my twin sister. I think we're part of a single soul: I am hers and she is mine. After writing this, I made it clear that I can clearly lose myself for a very special day. Happy birthday, mom.

POSTSCRIPT: My mom's birthday was May 15. I wrote this while thinking if I should go to Lucban. I didn't. Cheers for that. I am writing this because it's a momentuous event for me.

Contemplating Another Spanish Class

2008-05-11T14:49:00.000-05:00

I'm still thinking if I really want to enroll in Spanish again. It's another 2,500 pesos and I don't even have 250 pesos now in my wallet, that's one. And two, I am not sure if I want to wake up at 6 am everyday again. That's the part that sucks most. Wake up at 6am to avoid traffic, but it is friggin' traffic EVERY damn day. There are endless road works along my route. The councilor/vice-mayor who implemented the digging and recementing of Belfast Ave near SM Fairview should be choking in his breakfast for the past two weeks for I have been cursing his guts every friggin' morning. A stretch of 100 meters of cemented roads was done in three weeks, although intuition would say that it can be done in 5 days. Okay, seven days...let's include 2 days of government-paid-service that doesn't actually happen. But, three friggin' weeks?? WTF. I lost 30 minutes of my life in that morning jam. By the time I get to Fairview Mall, I don't have the drive to go to class anymore.

Anyway, Level 6 Spanish was a breeze, although I have confidence issues in speaking the language. Good thing is my classmates are uber cool. We were having a good time. They had been classmates since Level 1 and definitely, they are really great to hang out with. Smokes at breaktime. Cheesecake when Kat feels like baking. Pasta when Matz (a chef) decides to whip his culinary expertise. Downloaded latin songs from Chris. And of course, my querida amigas Lourdes, Lei and Tina. Words that actually stuck to me are actually, the interesting words such as culo (for ass) and pajero isn't about a 4-wheel drive at all. It means masturbator. Too bad we can't use it during the exercises because our professors are either a former priest or a missionary in the Philippines. HAHA. Could've been fun. There you go, All I Need To Know I Learned in Level 5 Spanish.

Hmmm....should I, should I? Or will I just follow Chris who photocopied the textbook and decided to study at home. His wife is Spanish anyway. Hmmm, that's an idea....

One month to go!

2008-05-10T21:20:00.000-05:00

Last night, A called me up from Pennsylvania to check how am I doing. He asked me if I am ready and honestly, I don't know how to answer that question. Yes, I am really grateful for this opportunity and I can say that I was made for this. It had been a tedious and long journey for me (my friends know about this) and finally, I got what I asked for. I am ready to give it my best but just like anyone else, of course I have my apprehensions on leaving. But, looking forward this is definitely, for the better. No doubt about it.

Anyway, I still have a lot of things to do. So the answer to my question, at this point, it is still a No. I have a month to get things patched up and by then, maybe I am ready to sail. What is left to do? Driving. Check. Spanish classes. Check. (But I am still contemplating of enrolling this week...cause my Espanol still needs practice. Well, the driving needs a LOT of practice as well.) More importantly, make the most of the miniscule time I have to see the rest of the Philippines. I have a couple of destinations to visit and I regret not having plans to go to Boracay. Gosh, I miss that place. Plus, I need to finish the things I have been doing. RE: work, which sucks, because it is taking me decades to get my data. Thanks to the residents who have been ignoring all my text and emails. UGH. So I have to make a move soon to expidite stuff. I need to conclude this work before I go.

Well, I don't know what to feel about leaving. One thing I'll miss will be the constant hanging out, badminton and San Mig light. American beers are a bunch of bland, worthless crap. I should cut down on my cigs, too: too expensive. A actually told me to bring my badminton racket since there is no good place to buy in the US. WTF?? Actually, I cringe on the thought of lugging my racket, for it is a little worn out. I had since I started playing 5 years ago and I never bought a new one. Too bad, I never won a tourney ever, either. So I had no chance of getting a free new racket.

Countdown starts now.

reaction to doray...

2008-04-26T13:46:00.000-05:00

I read your blogpost, Doray, after leaving the comment. My opinion (which you may not agree):I think the opening is a little bit misleading. If people would read it first, it may strike someone else's nerve because the issue had become a gender sensitive one. Wala lang. I know that you meant well and you want it to be an introduction for your entry....but if read alone, that statement is something

Dami kong gustong i-comment. Here are my two cents (sorry medyo mahaba):

1. I think the government is the only one to blame for not having universal healthcare. Hindi lang local government because economics-wise, if we don't have a good health insurance system, hindi sya sustainable. Parang med mission lang ang mangyayari...pag Pasko lang nagkakaroon ng health care ang mahihirap.

2. Health system pa rin ang may kagagawan kung bakit walang bilib ang mga taong bayan sa isang general practitioner. They would rather go straight to a cardiologist, or any specialist for their smallest concern. Kasi, kung magbabayad na nga lang ang A and B crowd, e di sa specialista na. Hayaan na lang ang mga C and D na maghintay ng libre. My point: it's not cost efficient...would have been avoided if we have a working health system.

3. Due to lack of money, they’ve been putting of circumcision.--->Kala ko ba the Philippine College of Surgeons and the PMA are trying to veer us away from the culture of circumcision? Kasi wala namang studies/benefit and it is just a cultural thing? I wouldn't blame a patient if he doesn't want to be circumcised, or would want it at 25 years old....

4. It is hard to help our country if we are not even in it! (hehe). I disagree. I'll be writing about this government and how it sucks and that will be my contribution. My way to redeem my civil liberties and right of self-expression. I am born Filipino afterall, democracy is on my side. Hehe. I would stay if my family is uber-rich, if the Philippines would pay for the cost of treating my patient, if I will receive a paycheck that I think is fair for the amount of time I spent 10 years studying medicine for...and I don't want to be corrupted by this government and the lousy health system just to have stuff that I think I deserve.

5. THERE IS HOPE. I think there won't be a universal health care system in the country in the near future, not in the next 15-20 years. Hope is far, far away. Right now, health is not a government priority, which is a big stupidity. Right now, kanya-kanya na lang talaga tayo. Bahala ka kung kanino ka kukuha ng pampagamot mo...kung kaninong doktor ka pupunta. But when it happens, I can actually say na nagising na ang mga Pilipino. Nagtutulungan na tayo.

What's Happening With Our TV?

2008-04-08T07:22:00.000-05:00

I usually watch TV while I eat. I don't turn it on otherwise because I think most of the TV programs are such a bunch of crap. Not just pinoy TV, mind you, but American TV shows as well. Anyway, as I was eating dinner tonight, The Good Night Show with what's-his-name-Alejar was on. He introduced his guest and I was shocked: a 2-year old kid. WTF? He can't even speak straight yet. It's 1130pm, and this guy is interviewing a 2 year old kid who can't even give a straight answer...but that's not the point....my point is HE'S A FREAKING KID!

He's supposed to be tucked in at 9pm. He needs a bed time story, as we wait for him to fall asleep. I just don't think it is right to guest a two-year old in a late night show. What the hell is happening?

Ehem, ehem...child labor laws, anyone?

What's next, when a 5 month old starts to smile you can guest the kid in Walang Tulugan? Oh please.

I Am Hooked With This Scandal

2008-04-06T14:29:00.000-05:00

I am begginning to like Bryan G and his passion for the Philippines. He is taking all his liberties and blogging about our stinking country from Australia. He is one bad-ass writer and I agree with his rants about the Philippines 99% of the time. I think no one had redeemed democracy like this. Pinoys would rather go to friendster, facebook and to the retarted Flips Flipping Pages in Shelfari, which I really think is a waste of my time.

Thus, he writes:

"No health care for your people! TREASON.
Third rate education for your people. TREASON.
Expensive $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ medications for poor people. TREASON.
Poor housing and accommodation for the vast majority. TREASON.
NO HOUSING OR PROTECTION for many. TREASON.

I call treason on all you fat cats and fat bitches who have prospered and reaped/raped your fortunes as a result of and on the backs of your fellow countrymen."

More of this blog at: http://delfindjmontano.blogspot.com/

I totally dig this post: http://delfindjmontano.blogspot.com/2008/03/abncbn-hello.html

Gossip Girl Sounds Like A Disney Sit Com Compared To This...

2008-04-06T13:30:00.000-05:00

http://janineislove.multiply.com/journal/item/45/THE_CELINE_LOPEZ-TIM_YAP-DJ_MONTANO_SCANDAL

Yesterday, I went out for a late lunch with Xochi and Mike in Trinoma. We were surprised to find out that there was no aircon in Italianni's and the rest of Trinoma. WHAT THE HELL? It's a new mal, supposedly. We tried calling Mark (the operations manager) but we can't get hold of him in his mobile phone. Xochi told me he's in Boracay and we immediately thought he turned off his cell phone, trying to be oblivious to the rest of the world. He shouldn't have: TriNoMa is such a mess. (Hey...now I wonder if TriNoMa stands for Triangle North of Manila and it is apparently so. Just like MoMa, which stands for something of Makati. Hihimatayin ako sa mga Pilipino talaga.)

Anyway, the conversation went to this scandal which is racking up the gossip columns right now. True enough, it's the real life version of Gossip Girl (it's a sitcom about the trashy lives of the upper west side party elite). I was reading the post and I couldn't help but snigger from the comments made against these people. I am glad this scandal happened because I don't think these people should be a role model for the youth. Tim Yap, for example, has been the "party icon" for a while. Everyone is trying to emulate his fashion sense, finding out his itinerary for the weekend and one stupid network even gave him a TV show gig. Celine Lopez have been a fashion icon in the Philippines. Her travels across the world had been one of the highlights in Star. Nobody asked her where she got the money for this but, after reading this blog/rant space and the revelation that she is actually not a Lopez, a lot of people are raising eyebrows.

Now, everything is going to the dogs for them. Thank you for doing drugs and for swindling a really upset Aussie. I hope Filipinos would turn their heads away from these false icons and start focusing in making a better Pilipinas. Sayang lang sa oras ang mga taong 'to. There are still a lot of things to do.

Caveat: US Embassy scam

2008-04-02T07:45:00.000-05:00

I went to the embassy today for my visa interview.

Just so you know, they changed the policy about bringing cellphones and other electronic devices to the embassy. You can no longer leave them in the counter before entering the premises. If you are one ignorant bastard like me, it is ok to bring your cellphone or iPod. but you have to be ready to pay. I was shocked when manang the photographer/ballpen vendor/cedula maker offered me to hold my electronic devices for me until I am done....for the simple price of 150 pesos. Since, I don't have a choice, I gave in after scolding and reprimanding her about this abuse of opportunity.

And there's more...She had terms: the more entries you send, the more chances of paying! I handled her my iPod, and then she immediately blurted, "Naku sir, kailangan nyong magdagdag." I raised my right brow and started the usual litany about 1) being a doctor; 2) being a doctor from PGH and 3) karma. The last was a low blow, but, I had to make a point. Of course, I did not agree. I can only shell out P150 for everything and that's the only amount I could painstakingly give without strangling anyone.

Leave your electronics behind if you're coming for an interview, the 150 pesos is not worth the stress.

Thought you guys must know: I am all set to go.

Traffic is Terrible

2008-04-02T07:11:00.000-05:00

The streets of Manila is a death trap. I wish I will never drive through the streets of Quezon Avenue and its stupid U-turn slots ever (EVER!) in my life. It's a freaking circus everyday! The fast lane suddenly becomes closed for the U-turn slot from the other side of the road; then, the FX's and jeepneys from the passenger side of the road would swerve AAALL the way to the farthest lane to make a U-turn. Swerving (and endangering the lives of others) is now becoming a totoong tradisyong Pilipino. Thank you, U-turn-stupid-slots; you have solved the country's problem of overpopulation.

Oh, and thanks to the brilliant minds of the MMDA, they closed several lanes in Quezon Ave for a U-turn slot and left the motorists with one lane to pass through. The bottlenecking is insane at that part of my freaking 2-hour trip. Araneta Ave to Welcome (that's around 100m) is a 20-minute trip. HOORAY! I am just amazed by how my fellow commuters can tolerate the traffic.

And there's more: Some imbecile made the traffic light in North Fairview switch, like once every 10 minutes and they added a green light for cars that would turn left from North Fairview. It made everything so freakishly slow. At 10:30 pm tonight, there is a
bumper-to-bumper situation which made me flip. I wanted to pull my hair out. I could have started with my nose hairs but I guess that's not good with my seatmate.

So, I have decided to rent a place in Manila which I will be occupying next week. I am fed up with the commute. I am losing 4 hours a day, 20 hours a week, 80 hours a month in this traffic. I would rather use those 20 hours a week to pester the local government and the inutil policy makers about this road inconvenience with our countrymen's daily commute. In a larger perspective, traffic sure does decrease productivity, increase stress and it indirectly harming our country's progress.

Kaya hindi umuunlad ang pilipinas, eh.

FH died yesterday.

2008-04-02T06:55:00.000-05:00

Our flower horn (hence, FH) yesterday. Our two-year old flower horn died. My sibs and I had several differential diagnosis:

1. Swim bladder disease. His tummy grew bilateral masses on each side. We noticed this a week ago, but dismissed the idea that there might be something wrong. It might be a normal variant for these fishes. Then, he started to swim asymmetrically. He also had difficulty swimming to the surface, which never happened before. I used to put several pellets of FH food and he would rush excitedly to his meal, until 4 days ago. He was also getting paler and paler each day.

2. Dropsy. I consulted this web page about flowerhorn diseases and according to the website, you should consider dropsy if the scales are bulging outward. FH's scales are bulging out right on the tail area. Treatment should be easy with an antibiotic. But now I guess it's too late.

3. Depression. He swims alone in the 50-gallon tank we keep in our patio. I am not too serious about this consideration, though.

Yesterday, I was discussing the treatment I found out in the net. FH is becoming weaker and weaker each day. When we woke up yesterday morning, he was swimming upside down. Obviously, we should take action or lose him forever. I told my sister to buy some antiobiotics for him but it was too late. At 10:00 last night, he died. I felt really bad.:-(

And The Plot Thickens...

2008-03-29T17:20:00.000-05:00

Included in my list of agenda before leaving the UES is to enroll in a Spanish class here in the Philippines. I wasn't able to catch the first set of classes mid March, but finally I was able to enroll in Instituto Cervantes last Friday. I have been teaching myself Spanish through CDs, books and podcasts (I HEART CoffeeBreakSpanish.) and I reckon it is time to get some classroom education for this new endeavor.

There are a lot of Spanish-speaking communities in the US. They are the largest ethnic group in the country and people translates into patients in the medical business. Since my surname is Spanish in the most strictest sense, I have a feeling they will all gravitate to my clinic schedule. Thus, I want to make most out of the opportunity and being fluent in the language will help me in the future. Besides, I think it's time to learn a new one. I would also want to watch movies and read books in Spanish. Most of the time, subtitles lose the essence and the passion of the language when translated into another one.

Dumbfounded by the question, I proudly raised hand when the teacher asked if who among us test takers haven't attended a single class in Spanish. It was a diagnostic class anyway; my goal is to enroll in a class as far as possible from Level I Spanish. The test was hard. I got lost in the subjunctive, imperfect and even on the preterite tense. Nevertheless, I answered the best I could.

After a few minutes, the teacher went out and talked one by one to the people in the room. I was the third person. She said, "You're Level 6." WHAAAT? "Your grammar is great." More WHAAAT? Then, she showed me the paper. I told her my predicament: I haven't been speaking the language that much (well, except with Mariaelena in PA) so I don't think I can cope with a higher level of Spanish. When I took the exam, I am assuming I have enough Spanish to get me past I and be in Level II or III. It willl definitely hurt if I pay thousands of pesos just for them to teach me how to count in Espanol.

"No...I don't think you'll like Level III, at least Level 5. If you are confident after that, we can skip 6 and get you through Level 7."

Hahaha. Wow! I was so happy! I totally did not expect this! Like a kid with a gold star, I ran home (figuratively. In reality, I rode a FX for 2 hours...again) and told my mom about it. She was also happy and told me she had 24 units of Spanish in college. I tried coaxing her to speak it in the house, but she shooed me away. She dismissed me before I could start to speak a word.

So the plot thickens....I am juggling several jobs, attending class, commuting 4 hours to and from work, drinking like a hobo in some nights, playing badminton TTHS and trying not to fall for someone. The plot twists are draining me out.

The Most Uneventful Holy Week Ever

2008-03-23T17:13:00.000-05:00

I simmered at home for 2 days: it was hot and sticky and there was nothing to do but play Naruto on PSP with my cousins. It was Kiba, Sakuri and Rock Guy who filled my days with excitement. It's really fun, even though I ended up with a completed bruised pride after my 12-year-old playmates kept kicking my arse.

It was eat-play-sleep cycle for 2 days. But on second thought, I owe this time for myself. I was working hard at the start of the week doing a teaching stint and going on call at nights. I had two hours of worthless sleep last Tuesday. Also, everything happens in Makati or Manila. The bus ride becomes my mobile home. I am getting used in texting, reading, listening to podcasts while enduring the gruesome commute to work.

Everyone was restless by sabado de gloria. Just like everyone in our little suburbian town, we went to the mall to look for a place to eat and basically, see other people. True enough, some of my badminton buddies were in the area, desperately looking for something to pass time. Not everyone is in the mood for a game, though. That night, we all trooped to Pasig as one of my badminton friends prepared dinner for us. It turned out to be a sizeable feast: sizzling bulalo, pepper steak, chicken satay, chicken pandan, tokwa't baboy, sizzling corn complete with several pitchers of a cocktail drink called zombie. That night, as we await for easter, I know we were more or less bound for the third tier of Dante's Hell.

Easter was as uneventful as the other days. Finally, I got my feet on the court again after a week of not playing. My playtime dwindled since the dual meet in Antipolo three weeks ago (We were not much of a loser, we lost 2 out of 6 games, so I wasn't that disappointed with my play). Real life and work caught up; ergo, I was busy running around Manila like a lap dog.

Now, it's Monday and I can still feel my liver working out the liters of Tanduay in that zombie-shit drink. I keep telling myself to work. I've been procastinating for quite sometime now.

I'm Getting Paid Like A Normal Person

2008-02-28T17:10:00.001-05:00

Yey, it's payday! With almost twenty pesos in my wallet and a whole page of outstanding debt, I will probably savor the moment I write a positive entry into my personal spreadsheet. One measly positive entry among 25 negative ones. Such a shame for my highly specialized, totally useless overrated medical education. When I go out with my friends, I usually shun away from any conversation regarding salaries, investments and properties. We are at the same age, but they are paid a whole lot more. I had a conversation with a friend, an IT professional, last night and he was doing HTML, MySQL and Linux systems. I took those for my informatics elective in medical school. Give me a Linux PC and around 6 months, I can probably do what he can do. He owns a car, has a townhouse and goes to out-of-town trips twice a month. He leads a pretty comfortable life for a thirty-four-year old bachelor--a real one--and if I compare it with a doctor's salary, we will be having a comfortable life at 45, which every professional probably accomplish by the time they are 35.

We, meaning my classmates and I, have concluded this years ago: we are in the wrong profession. That is, if we really want to make loads of dough. It's a sad thought, and right now, we totally resigned to the fact and came to terms with our priorities; it isn't about the money anymore.

I never had my own bank account here in the country. There's no so much to put anyway. I had a huge problem before since I usually get checks as payment, save for those moonlighting hours which they usually give us cash. I soon figured out that I still have my old bank account which I co-signed with my mom. I opened this account when I was ten years old, but since I am a minor, I had to get my mom to co-sign for me. Those were the heydays of my artistic life. For four years. my mom coaxed me to join a lot of art contests and luckily, they found my works interesting. Actually, up to now, I have no idea how I won those art tilts. I stopped after doing it for 3 years: I was getting old and the art style is slowly getting inappropriate. The money is good back then. My ten-year old self holding an oil pastel makes more than me, at thirty, wielding a stet. The bittersweet irony of my mediocre, unaccomplised, irrelevant life.

Niow that I need to go pick up my check, I need to score some dough from my parents for fare money. More likely, I will be scurrying back home after procuring the cheques, so as to prevent hunger pangs from stinging my belly because I refuse to spend money for dinner. But honestly, I got used to these kind of hardships. These are just pebbles on the road; and I have faced boulders. I had the experience of being deprived of hope and how it consumed me--body and spirit. These petty challenges is just an affirmation of being alive.

It is not often about money anymore, it's about keeping your head above the water, and hoping that a wave is not in sight, to bring you down underwater, again.

I'm Getting Paid Like A Normal Person

2008-02-28T17:10:00.000-05:00

Finally, I Got My Papers In

2008-02-26T15:25:00.000-05:00

After the distasteful encounter with BossShitCrap, I was able to turn my papers in, finally. It will take a week before it comes out, but at least they didn't give me a hard time this time. PRC was another damn marketplace yesterday and I really thought I'll be spending the rest of the afternoon there. There's a gay guy in the legal department who was so mean and snubbish but I didn't bother to make a big fuss out of it. I recognize him from the Step class I used to attend in Fitness First. Maybe he recognized me, too. I never had a word with him...maybe that's why.

Anyway, I made a point that I am totally free of any responsibilities yesterday. I also set my mind not to get mad to anyone. I listened to Sweeney Todd all the way to PRC (Sondheim always makes my day. Always.) and just kept smiling to myself. I may look like a loon but it kept my sanity safe. I never raised my voice to the PRC people despite the wrong lines they kept sending me. Nor to the fat, old, mean gay guy in the legal department. I was totally calm. In another bitch moment, I would have done my asanas in the middle of the floor. It was a matter of mind set and a little tickle on your good chakras. Haha.

Encounter With BossShitCrap

2008-02-23T16:33:00.000-05:00

Looks like I am spending another weekend at home. I totally ditched all invitations to go out yesterday. Well, I figured that I went drinking until 3 am last Friday and I guess I should spend the Saturday for myself. What did I do? Some trivial stuff the WHOLE day long. Pretty juvenile, yes, but I am definitely hooked to this Daxter Game in PSP. Then, I arranged my music archive again. Laptop has been dead for a week and I just learned that some of my important files are still in there! I don't want to hit my panic button because my catecholamines are still up from my encounter with the DOH people.

Oh, yeah I really did make a scene in the Department of Health. They are giving me such HUGE bureaucratic crap. I have all my documents ready save for my Certificate of Registration and the Cert of No Pending case. When I applied for the No Pending Case, they gave me a certificate of good standing which is essentially the same piece of shit but the latter is from the legal department. I applied for a replacement for my certificate of registration so I figured that I should show them this claim stub and probably accept it since I need the document from them ASAP.

When I went to the freaking DOH Int'l Health Office. It was their lunch break and their office will open up at 1pm. The nerve. People from the government having a freaking lunch break. One, they don't deserve it and two, they are a government agency. Taxpayers are paying for them to have a coffeebreak? Well, I did not make a big deal out of it that time. I was in a good mood.

Then, I presented my papers. Girl #1 is kind enough to accept the Cert of Good Standing, she has to ask about the Cert of Registration. Bossshitcrap should be consulted. So, off I go to bossshitcrap. She told me she can't accept the stub. I told her that I have a replacement coming but it will be out in 2-3 months. I cannot understand what kind of proof they need for me to file my papers. I have my license and I have this certificate that I am in good standing. Oh, she said:"Well, there are some people who are actually faking their license..." I was like: WTF? I have a freakin' contract from the US...do you think they will accept me if I am just a dummy doctor. After all the pleading, it boils down to "No, you have to get a certificate that your Cert of Registration is under process."

Okay, I'm going to play this game, I told myself. I went back to PRC and obtained that stupid document. It will be out in five days. Pakshet naman, o.

So, I got this certificate 3 days ago and marched back to DOH. Guess what? They issued me --tada!!--another Certificate of Good Standing, this one has a "for whatever legal purpose it may serve" clause in it. Great. After 5 days and P100 less, I got another Good Standing piece of paper shit.

At the DOH, Girl #2 got my papers this time and looked at my Good Standing. She said we needed a Certificate of No Pending Case, not this one. I argued that Girl#1 said it's fine the last time. She said "Oh no, you should talk to BossShitCrap about this". So I talked to her again. Bossshitcrap said the same thing, "I cannot accept this." This time I was raising my voice. I told her that Girl#1 told me it is okay and I specifically asked PRC about this No Pending Case document and they told me it's the same as the Good Standing piece of shit. She even showed me how it looked like and their letter to PRC, telling them to issue applicants with the No Pending Case from the Legal Department.

I was so frustrated. I wanted to have a go on her false eyelashes. Her neck was also a pretty nice wringing ground.

I told her that it wasn't my fault since I asked them about the No Pending Case and this is what they issued me. I surmised that it is definitely not my responsibility to tell those imbeciles in the PRC that the Good Standing certificate is not the same as the No Pending Case Document. I don't understand why they cannot accept my documents. I was definitely raising my voice because it is such a pain in the ass to go to DOH. It's out of the way and moreover, my papers will get delayed for another week.

She finally asked me, "Why did the rest of the applicants got it right?".

"Maam BossShitCrap, I went directly to the PRC to ask the right questions and to get the right document. Apparently, they gave me the wrong one and it's not my FRIGGIN' fault!! " Actually, if you read both certificates, they say the same thing. I don't understand why can't they accept one for the other?

She said, "But, I cannot accept that. "Wait, I have a phone call," she retorted and turned her back from me.

I stormed out of the room. I was so furious. I might say something really evil to BossShitCrap. She uses this teeny-weeny voice that sounded like a school teacher talking to her fifth grade pupil. It was so annoying. She even said something like, "Ganyan talaga ang nag-aapply," complete with her malambing-but-annoying-almost-sarcastic tone.

Does that mean they have this clout over people since they are applying? How come people have this notion that applying to them is akin to asking them a favor? It affirms that Filipinos are, indeed, power hungry. Well, specifically, BossShitCrap. She took this opportunity to torment applicants like me. I guess she figured that she can never have this power over a doctor and powertripping might be a good hobby she can learn. Wow.

I have been through a lot by this time and these people are still giving me a hard time. Ugh. I hate it. I took the time off before going back to the dinghy DOH building. I have to cool off my steam for a few days. But, it is so frustrating that some things in the Philippine government offices will never learn to change. So, I have to go back to PRC and get the No Pending Case Certificate. I have two certificates of Good Standing which I don't need. Should I ask for a refund? It's almost 200 bucks for two pieces of paper which will soon be shredder fodder. But, with the amazing services of Philippine government offices, I bet they won't give me the freaking refund.

Adjusting Well, But Dead Tired

2008-02-21T07:40:00.000-05:00

Actually, I am not adjusting well. My body is rejecting Manila and you can see it from my face. My eyelids are puffy, my nose is red and my eyes are continuously watery. My allergies are killing me! I endure the sneezing all throughout that day and my eyes are burning from itch. Aside from that, my feet looks like the map of the Philippine Islands from all the shedding. I never had an attack of dyshidrotic eczema for the last 10 months, but after a week here in Manila, my soles started to have vesicles. Ugh.

Well, it's true that I am getting into the rhythm of Manila life right now. It entails 30% of my time for work, 30% for the commute and the rest for sleep, recreation and going out. I get to read while doing the long commute from Novaliches to Makati/Manila which is actually great. I would think it's stupid, but I look forward to that long commute. I get lost in the pages as the morning traffic breeze by in my periphery. I get to focus on my novel and at the same time, I am moving from point A to point B. That's why I never had the motivation to drive.

Speaking of driving, I have to nail that skill at once.

I am currently hooked to the Barnes and Noble Meet The Author podcast. (I download it from iTunes for free) They interviewed some of my favorite authors and its really, really great to hear their voice, learn about their writing process and the basically, their life.

I am so tired today. Forgive me, but I think I have to crash.

Freaky Friday

2008-02-08T06:25:00.000-05:00

I am officially freaking out today (yes, coincidentally, it's a friday) because my laptop just decided that it will dim itself. He started this 2 days ago, then, all of a sudden when I turned it on this morning, after seeing the Compaq splash screen and the Windows boot scrolling thingofmajigs, it conked out. I could still see the desktop, but I am not planning to shine a flashlight the whole day while I edit my work. So, from the then on, I went downhill.

I am supposed to have work this afternoon, but I ditched it. I should have gone to Makati today and work on my new assignment, but I ditched it. I am supposed to have a dinner symposium thing for Unilab in Manila Polo Club this evening, but I prefered to figure out what is wrong with my Compaq. So, I ditched it as well. Right now, I still have stress hormones and cathecolamines circulating in my system.

Well, the good thing is I finally learned what is wrong. After hours in the tech forums, I learned that the FL inverter board of the LCD should be replaced. Before that, I called the HP service center and actually asked about the cost of making my compaq well again! Lo, and behold -- diagnostic fee costs 1,200 bucks!! Then, if I do want it serviced, there's a labor fee of 1,600 pesos plus the cost of the part to be replaced. I was shocked. I refuse to pay 1,200 for diagnosis fee for something I already know, and my Compaq is already 3 years old, a good age to bring it rather to the talyer instead of these expensive service centers. In techno parlance, that means my Compaq is going to Greenhills.

I can't believe the exorbitant prices for repair services. I guess they figured that laptop owners have money in their pockets, so might as well rip them off and make the most profit from repairing their toy. I am one exception to the rule though. I don't have money to burn and if ever I do, burning it for a computer repair service is in the least of my expenditures.

I am practically swamped with work and it's a fret to do research without my trusted laptop. I honestly don't know if I could transfer my Zotero bookmark, notes and files to my laptop. Probably not, so that is what's bugging me right now. I have to stick to one computer in doing my research work and that means sticking with this desktop and feigning the thought of bringing work on the road. Ugh. What a mess.

Oh well. My blog is getting full of rants these days, and I dont think it's cyberhealthy. Well, there are a lot of changes going on with my life right now and I am coping with it and trying to live 5 months with the stress in Manila. I hope I get out of here in one piece.

It's a Friday night, I am at home, working. That. Is. Freaky.

I Am Legend

2008-02-07T18:56:00.000-05:00

I feel old. I feel like a bear, not in the kink sense, but someone who hibernated for 10 months. Everything in me is creaky and needs oiling (I'm strying hard to sound serious here, okay). I suck in everything I used to do well. (Now really..) But I guess, I have to rise from my butt and get going with life again. Ka-hoot.

I suck in badminton. I terribly find myself disgusting. I used to beat up a lot of people but when I tried playing again a week ago, ihe magic is lost. I guess my peers got better, too. My months of absence in the court really shows. Ugh. I hate losing.

I now see ECGs as 'squiggly lines'. Again. It's like going through 3rd year of medical school. I cannot confidently say antero-septal-myocardial-infaction. I have to do a tongue-in -the-cheek after and between the words. I guess I lost a lot of neurons from all the boozing and late night trysts (trysts in the middle of the night: does that make you dumb? I've done that more than the boozing, though.)

I can't stay up after 12 midnight. Unless it is something important. *wink, wink*
My allergies are killing me like a plague. I keep sneezing, scratching my eyes and sniffing all day. Manila is one humongous dust cloud that is slowly choking me. Haaay.

i've read two novels in two days, though. Something I am really delighted to have done. One is Oracle Night by Paul Auster and The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Kite Runner is one shit of a book. I cried like a friggin' milkmaid all the way to the end. It's just a pity that the movie sucks, accordinng to some friends who went to the premiere night in New York. The director, according to them, should be chained where everyone can slap pies on his face. Such a disappointment for one hell of a book.

Hosseini is a MD! He practiced Internal Medicine for 3 years, published this book in 2003 and become a writer ever since. He now works for the UN as a peace worker in Afghanistan. I have a lot of realizations from reading that piece of work and it deserves anothe blog. For this purpose, however, it inspired me to write fiction myself. I passion that I've trashed after committing myself to medicine. Just a thought...

Work is overwhelming me right now. Okay, its not the work actually, its the commute! I hate the freaking commute from Novaliches to Makati and back! OMG, it scrapes out the productivity in you. It even takes your fresh-from-the-shower smell. I think its pure torture to commute this way everyday. How can people take this? Two days ago, I came to realize, as I was standing in the MRT during the afternoon rush hour, that traffic people, whoever is in charge of all these commuter torture, are all stupid. I hope they know that with not doing their job in making traffic a lot better, is actually detrimental to our country's economy. Traffic scoops out the positive outlook, the energy and the productivity in you. I absolutely hate every single minute I sit down in traffic.

Well, its been a while since I posted, so there you go. I've been using my desktop for a week now and actually missing the feel of my laptop's keyboard. Now, that I am using my laptop again, I feel charges. Unlike what traffic does to me. Have a nice weekend everyone!

Enough Surprises

2008-01-22T06:44:00.000-05:00

It was a success! I surprised a lot of people when I came home last Saturday. Well, back to the Philippines, that is, until I fix all my papers before I start training in July. I'm excited to spend these next 6 months in the country since I might not able to spend that long a time here. Social calendar, ready...go! Haha. (Suki, you're so infectious!)

Anyway, a lot of people got caught with the surprise:
5. Reiagurl, my best friend in HS, who was screaming in the Trinoma parking lot when I called her. She was almost run down by a speeding car.
4. Millie - she cried on the phone because she was on duty last Monday night and really had regrets that she cant join us.
3. Leng and the rest of the MedChoir - Leng was really happy and it's nice to see her in the wedding. Everyone, gave me the wide-eyed, jaw-dropped staple "OMG". Cherry sat down to her hunches in the middle of the aisle when she saw me singing in the choir. It was great!
2. Mcthinnie and Meregreek. Arvin and his Muse came from their vacation in Boracay and I saw them after the Leng-Sher wedding. We hanged out and drank beer until 2 am. Marialena goes: "I like it here, well, except that people kept staring at me like I have five heads or something". Hahaha.
and of course, 1) My mom. She was really surprised! I saw that she was fighting back her tears! I guess its from relief: no more humongous credit card bills. Yipee. Well...let's see about that...

I am in day 3 from the day of my arrival, and so far, no jetlag! Which is great. I worked hard for it though. I did not sleep last Thursday, flew Cathay Friday morning for 15 hours and arrived in Manila at 6 pm. I can't sleep on the plane either. Damn those economy class seats! I watched several movies though and it was great. I did not have any problems coming back, contrary to the time I spent stressing about it. Today, I spent the whole day at home, cause I have this nasty stiff neck that refuses to go away.

It's nice to be back to my old room. My books surround me like stuff toys in a baby's crib. Ahhh. Surprises should be enough at this point, hence, this post. drop me an email with your number so I can update my phone book. monstermd@gmail.com. Ciao, time to sleep.

Entonces, hasta luego.

2008-01-17T22:01:00.000-05:00

Today will be a grueling day. I've driven myself to sleeplessness akin to the sleep-deprivation study we had during medical school. Ha! That interesting study we had in physiology. THAT is a story. I'll tell it anyway, since I have lots of time prior to my lift.

Sleep deprivation is usual in medical students like us, So, we did this study in second year medical school wherein we sleep deprive ourselves for 2 sessions, one caffeine-free session and another one with caffeine. The amount of caffeine was the same for all the subjects (which is us) and that means everyone has to drink whatever caffeine we needed to ingest to keep us awake. Even it means ramming a cup of coffee into someone elses throats--well, this is need to minimize bias. Thank God, we didnt go this far. Everyone was such a Starbucks freak and my anti-capitalist, non-conformist self was totally disgusted.

Then, we measure the latency of our P300 auditory evoked potential. OK, I guess ithat's a mouthful, but simply, we measured the delay of the P300 brain wave using electrodes in the scalp as you respond to a sound stimulus. During the test, you will have to listen to a click sound and buzz sound. Once you hear a buzz, you have to press a button. The electrodes calculates the amount of time needed for the brain to process that sound into an action. How freaking cool is that?? Apparently, it becomes delayed when you are sleep deprived and the delay is shorter when you are caffeinated. It was awesome.

This is the funny part: we had to keep ourselves awake for 24 hours, checking each other if someone is snoozing off. We did a lot of fun stuff -- board games, ball games, TV marathons, anything to keep us awake. Then, we rush ourselves to the Makati Med sleep lab for the P300 measurement, I can still remember the whole group slumped on the ground, craving for sleep, as we took turns in the P300 machine. It was a funny sight. We look like a pack of junkies waiting for sobriety. Haha.

And that is how I look now. I have to STAY awake. I have to wait until night becomes day and day becomes night, so that adjustment is not so tedious and disgusting.

What did we found out? Well, for one, caffeine does stimulate the brain---big whoop...I guess we all know that. It makes us sharp. But, once you're sleep-deprived, caffeine does not stimulate the brain significantly. Consequently, we concluded that we all need sleep. Medical students should be treated as humans and our group argued that mental capacity to respond to stimuli is impaired, despite of caffeine, in sleep-deprived pitiful medical students that we were.

Just the same, it didnt change anything. We still have to go on 24- and sometimes awake for 48-72 hours during our toxic (read: pedia) rotations. I am just so glad I didn't kil any patient during those sleep-hungry times. And now, I am so glad I am so frigging far away from medical school.

I'm getting a cup a coffee. This day will be one LONG day. Hasta luego a todos.

Monday Syndrome

2008-01-14T06:40:00.000-05:00

I'm sick. I think I got this illness last month. I am oblivious to stress in December and the wave is drifting its way to all the Mondays succeeding it. I have Monday syndrome. The drone of the weekends reverbs to my Monday rhythm and it pretty much put me to a constant state of procastination.

Its 11am and my mind is practically still under the sheets. I have been reminding myself since 9am this morning about the stuff I need to do, but, my body refuses to bulge an inch. Damn. Caffeine and nicotine don't seem to work. Endorphin should, but its too much effort to obtain. I need a quick fix.

Well, writing this should fire some neurons into work. I've been playing around with my iTunes and friends' site...and now m writing endlessly until I have the energy to lift my butt off this bed.

Ugh.

It has been like this every Monday and I guess its normal. I've been so lazy this past month that I just read one novel out of the 3-4 I promised myself earlier. My comments and book reviews are moved to my shelfari site: http://www.shelfari.com/monstermd. It's nice to have a virtual bookshelf. Being a closeted geek, I find inner enjoyment in skimming through the titles in my bookshelf. Haha--geek! But then, I found this site, where you can build your own bookshelf and make comments or notes on the books you've read...its awesome!!

Ok, I think this is enough. I am perked up. Have to get moving....

Things I Will Never Do Again In the U.S.

2008-01-13T20:21:00.000-05:00

Once is enough. I could say this to the items listed here, These are trips and gigs that I will never do again. EVER.

1. Waiting in line for Thanksgiving.
Just twenty percent discount?? After half an hour in the freezing weather?? C'mon, there must be a better deal than that in Circuit City! We were aiming for the $300 laptop but I guess the people who camped out for 24 hours for this will be the first ones hawk-eyeing that piece of bargain. Not to mention the 15+ people in front of us who froze their asses by standing in line for more than 30 minutes. Okay. Considering the cheapskate that I am, I might do this again, IF--the weather is fine. Let's see next year.

2. Cross country drive to California
I just couldnt stand to look at deserts, shrubs and roadsigns for more than 3 hours. The endless deserts of New Mexico and San Bernardino, CA just killed me. Westward drive is also a bad idea for the skin, too. The sun is directly is in front and yes, after driving through the desert for 4 hours does leave it mark: a burned tan from the level of the armpits down to the knees. Okay, Considering my outgoing nature, I would consider doing this again, IF--the drive starts from the West Coast and well above seventy years old of age because 1), my skin won't be any better and 2), time seems to be faster when youre past that age.

3. New Year in Time's Square
Not peeing for four hours due to the anticipation of a giant disco ball descends to signal the start of the year is not entirely how I wanted to do my New Year in the city ever since I agreed to do it in 2004 It was fun, though, because I went there with friends. Okay. This one is non-negotiable--never going to do it again.. Unless I come in a limo.

The First Two Weeks of This Year Has Been Crazy

2008-01-13T16:26:00.000-05:00

So, its official. I signed it this week. But since a lot of issues have been raised after I finalized my decision, I can not completely say I did it. One last hurdle to make. One stress to conquer and then I would definitely say that I have a success story to tell.

The stress of it had been hovering over my head and haunting me during my afternoon naps (my nights are good) for the past few days and it IS stressing me out. I want to pull my hair in pieces until I am ultimately sure I am good to do home and process everything from there. During the last two weekdays of this week I've been constantly in the net and asking questions over the phone. Now, the weekend is coming to its end and its time to crunch the immig law websites.

But, everytime I see my brand new Western Digital 160GB portable hard drive, my worries seem to go away. I love it. I love.it. I love it. My friend A and M gave it to me for Christmas and I was in absolute shock when I got it. Honestly, I don't deserve it. I've been leeching pity and scraps of food from them (well, from a lot of friends) since I got here. I feel that I just don't deserve a holiday gift. Probably, the hapless state of being impoverished and the inability to reciprocate that would incline me to kneel and touch my forehead to the ground, repeatedly, while my palms outstretched and lips continuously chanting "I'm not worthy...I'm not worthy..." until I pass out, a good sign of limitless gratitude to these people.

It's black. It's sleek. It weighs less than my Adidas chronograph watch (which I got for $15 on Thanksgiving). He's the love of my life right now. Well, I hope iPod won't be jealous. I had her for almost 3 years now. The scratches and bruises are witness to the sand, cement and stone we have kept together. Although, her battery is running a little weak, she's still fine. And now, I have a new baby...he makes me cry.

Now, I can take home all the MedStudy CDs with me back home. Ehem..m such a freaking geek. I guess that's what I am turning out to be. Well, not to mention the loads of porn. But, honestly, I am thinking now of deleting it. It may be inviting bad karma and it would kill me if I just find it dead after loading it with so much of it.

More to come in this exciting year!

New Year's Events: A Picture Blog

2008-01-03T19:04:00.000-05:00

HAHAHAHA. I was like this when a few minutes past midnight when I went to my friend's after-midnight-party. I didn't realize that I had so much that night. I had 2 glasses of wine, 2 shots of vodka, a screwdriver and 2 shots of tequila (omg, that was good). I haven't drank since I got back from PA, so I guess my liver isn't that pumped up to process the poison.

But, I am glad that I was still decent. In fact, I don't have the strength to remove my wool sweater. And, I struggled like hell in order not to puke on it in the bathroom (dry cleaners are expensive).

Honestly, I pondered on posting this for some minutes before deciding to make a complete fool of myself. But believe me, this isn't the worst.

The next day, I woke up, unbelievably, at 7AM, with a killer headache and the sun shining on my face. The room was swirling around me, and I needed to sober up. I made coffee, drank a few glasses of water and played Bach on my iPod. I downed 2 cups and brought a jug of water with me on the recliner. I was sitting on the recliner for 2 hours, staring at the sealing and feeling the chord progressions of Bach's Goldberg variations. My mind and body wants to sleep but the caffeine was keeping me awake! I decided to take an Excedrin for my headache and the additional caffeine is just enough to keep me awake the next day. Haha. Next, I tried having a warm shower (didn't work--but I was clean!), I drank some more water (made me puke) and the only solution is to drink a little more alcohol. I had two gulps of beer and it made me feel a lot better.

It was a great way to start the year. I felt like waking up from a long sleep; though it came with a headache and hangover. But alas, this is the new me.

Do You Know That It's Hard To Cut A Queso De Bola?

2007-12-27T07:22:00.000-05:00

Man, I tried it and I almost lost a finger. All I want is a few pieces to go with the hamon we cooked for noche buena. My friend ,J., is apparently adept in doing it. So, he did cut it for me. First, he cut a few centimeters from the top of the ball to make a flat surface, placed the tip of the knife at the center and carved little wedges with the bottom half of the blade. He maneuvered the knife freely, holding the tip with the right hand and sliced across the flat surface. produding small wedges of the cheese.

After my first try, I stood there watching him, gnawing at the cheese bits I got from the top potion that he took out; breaking piece by piece and munching the tiny bits of cheese that came out from the process.

"There's no way I am gonna do that."

No way. I was wincing on the way how he got the tiny wedges. A tiny slip of the knife is an obvious way to disaster. Being the non-health-insured persons in the house, there is no way in this earth that I will repeat his process of cutting queso de bola. Would I take the risk for the taste of pinoy Christmas (that is queso de bola)? No way. I began to appreciate moldy feet cheese anyway since I got here in the US. Roquefort and Gorgozola are the best although they really smell like feet, after wading through the flood waters of Espana. So, I'd better stay in easy-to-cut (safe) cheese. Even the red wax of the queso de bola looks like blood to me. And no, I am not going to Sweeney-Todd my left thumb for that. I

But gosh, its sooo good! Paired with the ham we cooked, the queso de bola was awesome!! It transported me to my childhood Christmas days when we used to spend it in my grandma's house. She loves queso de bola and Excellente ham (which my mom used to get from Quiapo). Her house smells of barako coffee all the time (my grandfather is from Batangas) and Christmas eve is no exception (even though its 12 midnight). After exchanging gifts, we used to sit around the table, grab our share of ham and queso de bola, dip our bread in the coffee and finish it with a mouthful of Christmas fruits (that means apples, grapes and pears. We only can afford to eat those fruits during Christmas).

I never considered it a special treat since we have queso de bola every freaking Christmas and it never runs out until the week after New Year (sometimes I would even give some of it to the cats, you know, just to get it over with). My lola would slice it then into wedges, so I never had an idea how difficult it can be. Not until now. I learned that you have to be, at least, a Benjamin Barker to get a freaking slice of that hard, uneventful, salty cheese.

But, I am glad that we had queso de bola this Christmas. It took away the melancholy of being too far from home. Every bite gave a tiny bit of nostalgia; an illusion of being home, of how life can be so simple and uncomplicated. Those simple bits of cheese on a cold winter Christmas night (that waaas so deep), on a noche buena spend with friends, whom you now consider your family, can make a huge difference.

Cross-posting is a geek's orgasm

2007-12-20T14:11:00.001-05:00

Finally, I get to cross post from my old blog to Multiply! Technology is alive! IT GROWS!

I also got this scripting software from scribefire which automatically posts my blog entries directly to blogger. I hope they have the multiply edition so I wouldn't have to check cross blogging every now and then...

But still, I am happy. I love the internet. Mwah!

I would like to commend, too, the makers of Coffee Break Spanish and Coffee Break French, two of my favorite podcasts in the whole universe. I looove you, guys. They make a relevant Spanish and French program in 45 minutes. They are really great and definitely worth checking out.

I heart Shelfari, too because I don't my books anymore. I know its stupid but I miss my bookshelf at home. I stare at it once in a while and marvel at all those pages I've read and all the books I kept to remind me of the time I lost lurking in the four corners of my room. The lost time wasn't that bad but I should have gone out a lot more during those times. (There are entire summers in high school where I lock myself in my room and read books). Phew, I am such a geek.

This is a test post. But I hope it did entertain...

House of Blue Leaves in Juilliard Drama Theater

2007-12-19T11:10:00.001-05:00

Funny, cause we met in the elevator. I was with my friends that afternoon, on our way down from the recital room on the third floor. Alex had his voice recital and the rest of the pinoy mafia in New York gave their support. We were joking and talking in Tagalog in the elevator when Cristina walked in. She was surprised to ride in an elevator full of pinoys.

"San kayo galing?" she asked with an astonished face.
"Dyan lang po sa Cubao," I replied with a sardonic grin.

Along the freezing 66th street, she lit a cigarette, and I gladly joined her. Then, we started chatting. She invited me to her play, The House of Blue Leaves, which I did watch two days after. I was also surprised to learn that she was the stage manager of Magno Rubio, a play I watched back during the summer and which I had penned a review in haste. The review was published in a Filipino newspaper, but I never had a chance to clip.

The play is about a couple, Bananas (because she's a schizophrenic) and her husband, Artie, a zookeeper who dreams of being a songwriter and a hit in Hollywood. It also involves a hilarious mistress, a deaf starlet and a group of nuns. The story was set in 1967, the year the Pope went to New York. Based on the cacophony of characters, it is a farce, satirical at most. The main theme revolves in Art's desperate dream to make it big in Hollywood and how he perceives and eventually deceives everyone so it can be realized.

The actors are awesome! I guess you wont be in Juilliard if you're just a ham. They were really good, aside from being good looking, and I would bet that they will land in Hollywood themselves in the near future. They are from group 37 of the Julliard drama class. Laura Linney was group 19 and no doubt she had a great education from Juilliard. (I just watched her recently in The Savages and in Kinsey. She is simply amazing.)

I had a cig with Cristina after and told me a lot of things about the Filipino theater culture in the city. She used to have a regular job, but, her love for theater brought her and her friends to establish the Ma-yi Theater downtown (where Magno was staged). I also learned that Magno is a pretty old piece: it was shown in 2000, went out, went off-Broadway and garnered 10 Obie awards. The first Magno is a Fil-Am actor who also did drama studies in Juilliard and later, the role was given to Jojo. Paolo was not part of the original cast and Bernardo is a recent addition to the cast, too. It was overwhelming to learn about this things from an insider because I am fascinated with the play. I think it was ingeniously made and kept the Filipino flavor intact. I was almost in tears when I first watched it.

It is really amazing to find these Filipinos in the city, save for the Filipinos who doesn't speak "Tah-gay-log" cause they moved here when they were 15. I am eager to meet the latter to smash their face on the nearest wall. Well figuratively, of course. At least. Hehe. But no, seriously, I love meeting Filipinos bursting with pinoy pride. It makes a positive affirmation that everything is not lost for the country. Just like everyone else who has hope for the Philippines, it makes us feel a little bit better.

Kinsey

2007-12-17T16:49:00.001-05:00

I just finished watching Kinsey, in this computer. In fact, three seconds ago, I clicked the x at the upper right hand of the screen to terminate the program that allowed me to view that amazing film. I cried. I needed some tears and emotion once in a while and the film has provided me more than saline output and nose goo.

So, I've been living my days with films, books, plays interspersed with bouts of medical reading. I figured that since I am still idle, it would be worthwhile to reinforce my medical knowledge by going through all these books and making notes. Medicine has been a hurdle for me. Although, I guess every doctor would have the difficulty of stuffing our tiny neurons with the humongous data about our bodies. The normal is too much to comprehend, and knowing the abnormal is just too much for the human mind. I am speaking for myself here, and as always, there are exceptions of this rule. I am rather in the middle of that normal curve of human intelligence of retaining medical knowledge.

But why these films? These books? Are they worth watching? Reading? At first, they aim to entertain. It was a diversion to greater amount of knowledge I should have, and have always wanted to master, but, the entertainment and intellectual challenge was different, and at the same time, engaging. Medicine is a science, but humanity dwell in these.

As you can tell, I am particularly enthralled about humanities. It's amazing how authors and screenwriters would put it into words and filmmakers would effectively bring music, words and actors together in order for us to feel the emotions and the importance of life, as told in the stories. As a doctor, I encountered stories about my patients when I go to the clinic (I miss those) and it takes understanding and character to really appreciate each tale, to extract human emotion, to understand conflict, suffering and even love.

Going back to film, I identify myself with the Dr. Kinsey. It's more than the sexuality issue, but being a scientist myself, I understand his suffering. It sucks when everyone does not believe in your science. It sucks when someone says that you are wasting your time. I have stayed more than 8 months here in the US, trying to get the science I wanted, and it is just appalling for some people to say that I should have left my profession and pursue a more financially rewarding path. I could have, but ot just don't feel right. Until now, I am just following my instincts, hoping to prove those who believe otherwise that they were wrong. The light is nearer than before. I just hope I can get to the end of it.

I highly believe that Kinsey was a good film. Moreover, I saw it in an appropriate time. My friend here in NY told John Mayer in person, "Your music hits me in the right mood and in the right time," and similarly, I just felt that the movie hit me on the right spot. John Mayer gave him a hug and said, "Thanks, man" and my friend never forgot that encounter.

I need a hug sometimes. Fortunately, my friends have been always good to me and I feel hugged most of the time.

But a lot of "hugs" from books and films like these, especially when I am sitting alone in their Manhattan apartment. And it seems I will never get enough.

I'm Back in the City

2007-11-27T20:33:00.001-05:00

I've been in the hells Kitchen for 3 days now and I've been catching up for lost time. I turned again to my old New York City life. I didn't miss it, honestly. But it would be nice to sublimate for a while...forgetting all my worries for one or two days. I would want to have more of it, but just like anything good and pleasurable in this world, it disappears and sinks below the surface when real life sets in.

Its a nice time to be in NYC actually. The city is on fire with all the Christmas lights up around and it feels really good. Christmas mood is always nice. Since the cold has already set in, the ambiance is perfect for the season.

Sometimes, loneliness hits me once in a while, but I can never think of any place I would want to be. Its a matter of doing things I really want. I honestly don't want to be with anybody, and add up to the complexity of my current work and life situation, but solitude does kick your butt sometimes. I guess NYC has a lot of influence on what I am feeling right now. The city can be romantic sometimes, albeit most of the time people can be so distant and cold. All the lights in Columbus Circle and the Christmas songs in the area make you want to grab and hug someone. Nevertheless, I enjoy this moments of solitude. Being alone has its perks. Top of the list is that I control my own time; and for now, time is a precious gem in my hands.

Recently, I've been telling myself that I have a lot to do. I have several projects which haven't attained completion. Even near completion. Time is a huge factor for these projects but there's no reason to take it slowly. Good thing about staying in Pennsylvania is that I am able to focus on these tasks (although my friend's ginormous 51" television haunted me for three days. I did not let go of the damn remote for the whole time) and surviving isn't that expensive.

Anonymous, You Make Sense!

2007-11-23T12:22:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, it really sucks to admit that some people are right.

Also, I hate it when sometimes you have to suck your gut and inhale the air of retreat and do whatever is necessary. I think it is necessary to do that. Well, I kept it and decided to show it off again after I am in THE safe zone. It makes sense. I should think of my future now, which I have been continually discarding over and over.

I thought of the first amendment and my own history. I am notorious for speaking up my mind and telling the truth. In the past, I stumbled into HUGE trouble for telling the truth and now, my instinct would tell me to just blurt out the truth because if you got into trouble, at least you have dignity for yourself. But life is like medicine. You don't get the same patient and the same case twice.

It doesn't feel right, actually. But I think I have to do it.

Thanks, guardian angel out there. That's true, it may affect the course of things. So, I'm putting it down. But, if its up there again, you know that I am safe. I have landed on the safe zone. I owe it to myself to write with passion and honesty.

Better The Second Time Around

2007-11-22T01:31:00.001-05:00

Two days after my second interview, I have come to realize that Pennsylvania is not THAT a terrible place to work in. It is near New York (matters most), Washington, Baltimore and Philadelphia. There's a lot to do in the backyard towns and it will keep me focused on my medicine. More importantly, my friends are here. I have tons of friends to in New York but my friends here go back to ancient history. Gosh, we went to first year college together and been friends since then. That's a whopping 13-year history of friendship. It trumps everything: it matters a lot when you are around people who you know you can depend on.

Anyway, interviewer #1 was pinoy. Boy, I was so glad. We started from standard interview questions, Tell me about yourself, What are you weaknesses and blah blah, but later on, we found ourselves talking about Filipino pop music. He even listed the artists I listen to! He is interested that I know how to cook pinoy (that's slightly BS, really) and computed how much I make in the Philippines (it was waaay below the poverty line). He shook my hand after the interview and told me di bale, gagawan natin ng paraan yan. I hope I made a good impression. I think I did, though.

Interview #2 was also plain great. It was more of an exchange of experiences as a clinician and I think I made myself clear that I have confidence in doing medicine. Moreover, I know what this profession needed me to do. Actually, it was this time that I lay down my rare cases card which hopefully will trump the researches of the Ecuadorian guy and the 99-nothing-could-be-better-scores of my aromatic competitors. (I will not elaborate on the olfactory torture.)

Lastly, I spoke to the PD and complemented her about the curriculum of the program. It was a tad of kissing ass, but I hope it didn't sound like it. For all intents and purposes, I meant it. Yeah, I liked the program. I would love to be their neophyte. She sounds really motherly and very accommodating, which I like.

Things were good, until we met the residents. Most of them are females and estrogen did flowed like water from Niagara Falls. Complaints popped here and there because of having a "bad" call, which I think should not be a topic of conversation since we (the applicants) are still there. As residents, you have nothing to complain about: its part of training. I used to run the NICU, PICU and wards of this hospital for the money and it took me two and a half years to realize its a waste of time. I did not exactly prayed for a bad call but, during those times I did not sleep a wink, I learned 10x more than when I am benign. A toxic call happens to every doctor on duty and its a matter of luck. So, shut the fuck up. OK, say your shit once and that's it.

Some moron guru gave an advice to ask as many questions as possible. So, every time an interviewer would ask do you have any questions?, one should be prepared with a question, regardless of how stupid it can be. Apparently, annoying co-interviewee read the same moronic advice. He was like shooting questions like a contestant from Jeopardy (What is blah?). I almost threw up. And, every time somebody asks do you have any questions?, my guts would move a peristaltic inch. Thats why I cannot eat my freaking lunch! This annoying intern who sat beside me kept on asking me that question. Worse of all, she would shrug her answer and starts asking me do you have any questions over and over. I gave her a NO and ditched moron guru's advice. Screw tact and reason. Can we be like two people in a bar and talk like normal people? They just seem not interested in you until you become their intern (read: slave). I would like to think that I am normal and I would like to think I am within the bounds of normal than most of them. I read, watch TV, listen to music, get drunk, get laid, skip class, wake late, smoke cigs, shop for hair products as a normal person would do. Apparently, they are not interested. I think I've learned my lesson. The next time someone will ask me for a question, I shall be bolder. I will give them one: when is the last time you get laid? If the answer is as often as Meredith or McDreamy, I'll surely beg them to take me in.

I Am Giving My Blogspot A Makeover

2007-11-18T10:59:00.001-05:00

I guess I cannot just let it go. I've been posting in my multiply forever (since its easier) but I think blogspot will catch up with the intricacies Multiply had done with its site. But I got this scritpting software which posts to blogger directly. So, I've decided to keep my blogger account for the small posts and rants and quirks that I would like to look back to when I'm old and gray (NOOOO!)

The weather has been crazy here in Pennsylvania and I am hating it. We had a few weeks of autumn weather (my favorite) but I guess we're doing winter now. Global warming really had sinked in. Bummer.

I'll be having another interview tomorrow, so I have to hype myself to it. Penn State is a university program and I have to appear more academic on this one. I also want to be accepted in program, so I want to do extremely good in this. So, I have a lot of work to do today: preparing my clothes, phrasing my answers and researching about the program.

I better get going.

Everything is Driving Me Crazy

2007-11-14T00:40:00.001-05:00

Oh, I entitled this one as such on a more positive note, I am not depressed nor anxious. Well, so-so. My day-to-day activities has been dimly unproductive for the past few days, and my obsessive-compulsive self is battling with my laid-back-I-don't-care self inside my head. It IS driving me crazy. Let me illustrate:

I have been studying Spanish for the longest time, right? I've been babbling about this obsession of learning this language since, probably, last year. I love books; so, I got my hand in every Spanish learning book I could afford. I surrounded myself with Shakira, Chayanne and Los Lonely Boys music and tried to dissect the lyrics of their songs. I have tried watching Spanish films without subtitles. I've done everything to learn Spanish but I still can't get it right. Conjugating verbs within the snap of a finger is still a Mt Everest for me. Its not easy, and its driving me crazy. I have to at least demonstrate what I know on my next interview, but here I am, stuck in perfecting the perfect past, simple past and the present progressive and the rest of the BS tenses blubbery that is espanol. I suck in this. Left brain needs a whacking.

Of course, I will not give up. It is just exasperating to know that there are common words between Spanish and Tagalog, but why did the stupid Spaniards declined to teach us their Spanish? Tagalog sounded like pidgin English compared to Spanish. It is just outrageous. They plundered us for 300 years, changed all our names to Spanish, but they thought Filipinos shouldn't be taught proper Spanish. It's like getting a white boyfriend and not teach him Tagalog; so that you can curse him to high heavens, during those deliriously stupid petty quarrels. And since we were in this topic, I just learned that Filipinos need to have a visa to go to Spain. What the hell? Thanks for the 300 years of colonial rule. The only good thing that happened to the modern-day Philippines after the Spanish rule is the 6-storey ophthalmology clinic in PGH, which was completed when I left the university. Big Whoop. We even need to ask permission from our oppressors to go to their country. Geez.

I met a Spanish tourist several years ago, who went to the Philippines and visited Palawan and Boracay for a month. He was with his French boyfriend and stayed in the newly built hotel in P.Gil (the one with the Casino). He was surprised how the culture was similar to his native Spain, which is 3,000 miles away. He was amazed that we call our cutlery cubiertos and we know how to cook adobo; we call our horses kabayo and sit on a silya. His ears would hear Spanish words, but when he talk in Spanish, no one would understand. Well, there you go. That was precisely my point. Again, thank you for the 300-year colonial rule.

OK, I officially sound uncool from all my rants. I'll get to the bottom of this. I swear. Change topic.

The show Heroes is also driving me crazy right now. Things are heating up in the show and everything will be exciting in the next three episodes. Monday has been my favorite TV day, so far. I've been watching Chuck and Heroes every Monday night and i can say its good. Monday is TV day because the rest of the week, I usually lock myself up in one of the rooms and study freaking SPANISH. Ok, sorry, totally uncool, totally uncalled for.

I need a fucking cigarette.

Sad news brought me sad memories

2007-11-08T01:02:00.001-05:00

Girl who killed self lamented family’s poverty in diary

I just read this article from a forum and it really broke my heart. Is our people really THAT hopeless? I have to share my thoughts and experience on this one:

I remember some months before I came here in the US, our regular maggugulay came up to our gate asking for help for his 8 year old daughter. Apparently, she was in the hospital and suffering from Dengue fever and his father was asking around our village for money, because her
platelets are so low that she needs to have a transfusion. I didn't
think it was a scam that time, because I saw the father's eyes as he
begged for a little cash. I am also low in cash as I only have 2 one
hundred dollar bills in my wallet. I handed out one 100-peso bill and left
out the other to sit undisturbed in my wallet. He was grateful for the money
and hurriedly walked away.

He ran away quickly and suspicion aroused in my part. What if its a scam? I really don't know the guy but he introduced himself as a vegetable
vendor whom my mom gets her weekly stash of vegetables. I shooed the
thought away and hope for the best for her daughter. It was just a hundred, I thought. But it is enough money for transpo and food for a day. That's ok, I assured myself. If it were true, I helped the poor guy out and my conscience is spared.

Two days later, he was back. He stood in front of our gate with a sad, long face asking once again for money. I thought, WTF? He
told me wasn't able to come up with cash to afford the platelet
transfusion the last time and this time, he needs it to bury
his daughter. My heart sank. Literally, I died, before him. I was standing upright but I can feel myself sprawling on the ground.

A lightning of thoughts flashed across my head: I should have given him the other one
hundred dollar bill. I thought about it a million times and scourged myself as I hear it in my brain. Oh, that poor girl. And her father: the thin, frail man before me, was asking money for her burial. It was the most heartbreaking moment to be in. Honestly, I never felt so helpless before. He told me that it was a great loss. She was a smart girl and could have been their hope. He told that to me with dry eyes, probably strained and dried up from all his weeping. He cannot cry anymore. Now, he has no money to bury his own daughter and all he has is this misery and twisted hope that people will pity his situation. All I could think of is giving him every cent I had in my wallet. I did not let myself to think. I was consumed by my guilt and thought of how to help this poor, poor man.

But, would
it have made a difference? Would another hundred dollar bill save her
daughter's life? It wouldn't be enough for a transfusion anyway and I
don't expect a lot of people in our small subdivision would believe his
story and could not beg enough money to afford it. I tried to blame the government, our corrupt governance and our stupid, imbecile of a health system. I blamed Gloria, Erap, Marcos and all the past presidents who promised us hope for this country. But, it is useless to blame. One life was lost and more will be at stake as we go through the "dengue season" year after year.

How can we bring hope for our people?

On writing

2007-11-07T14:46:00.001-05:00

Looking back on my interview a week ago, I realized that the more I think about my interests in humanities and literature, the more I wanted to write. Not just blog writing, but to take it to a whole new level and do writing projects that I am interested with. Honestly, I can think of three people who had motivated me to do so: One is my friend Beej, who lead me back to reading and realize why I read a lot of lit about humanities. I think life is too short to follow James Patterson's and Patricia Cornell's literary career. Learning about people and history has more thrill than reading about their brand of suspense.

Second, my friend M. from New York, who after building his own pharm company, went back to writing and created a lot of literary projects for his country (Iran). He wrote fiction, and was duly noted for that. He translated Persian texts and wrote a whole lot of short stories. He moved to the US when he was in high school, threatened by his mom to forget lit, otherwise, he has to pay for his education and then came out to be a successful businessman at the prime of his life. It was an inspiring story and it had showed me that people just have to do the things they deem important in their life and what they perceive as the most effective way to effect change, and somehow, the universe conspires to make it come true.

Third, I just read this book from Atul Gawande entitled Complications: A Surgeon's Notes on an Imperfect Science. I'm just sorry because I can't really believe this guy wrote a book while doing surgery residency. I also admire his dedication to the medical profession. He writes well, too. I just can't think how he did it. AND he has a wife and I think, two kids. Gosh. It takes a lot of talent, courage and a whole gamut of good qualities to really come up with such a good book.

The whole thought about post colonial literature has also given me PURPOSE in writing. I have read several books in my humanities class about post-colonialism and it did not spark any interest on me. Then I understood about oppression, Social change and class struggle. I started appreciating these subjects when I started to understand the whole deal about EDSA. Before, I used to think that EDSA was just a hype: people throwing out a dictator. I just don't get all the hype and international media coverage. At that time, I thought it happens and to some point people just can't bear it. Anyway, when I learned about martial law, the Marcos regime and the human rights violation, I realized that it is something important and should be made clear what EDSA represented to each and every Filipino. We take our national identity for granted, and a lot of people here in the US would say unsolicited comment about the Philippines and how life will never be better for a lot of pinoys. But then, we should be blamed about it; for looking over the fence and seeking for better pastures. We chose to look for answers elsewhere. It is a personal matter for me, because it was my choice, too.

Funny, because I came to a point of realizing and pondering about this as I watch the TV show Kid Nation. 40 kids in the middle of a desert and struggling to make their small town work. The kids asked if they would want to go home every other show but surprisingly, only 2 have left after 20 days in the desert. They would rather stay and make Bonanza (the town) a better place and work hard with the uncertainty of being rewarded for hard work. (One kid is given a gold star every episode as nominated by the community; it is worth 20,000 in gold). The choice is there. Go home, watch tv and be a kid or work hard, stick to the desert but a possibility of earning money for the future. And at their age, and their Erikson's psychosocial stage of industry vs inferiority, these kids chose to work. Manual labor work. Amazing. It's just unbelievable.

And they stood by their decision. They committed in making the town work.

I had two realizations on this: one, as a smart kid and speaking for those smart kids that I went to school with, we could have chose to be where we used to be and make it a better place. But two, the Marcos regime has stripped our parents the hope of a better Philippines. It set corruption deeply imposed in our moral faculties and it would be impossible to escape in this quagmire of moral depreciation. And the only solution, is to flee. Sadly, we were born to a generation where hope is lost and we were educated to our fullest potential, to find out later on, that our bags are already packed, unknowingly by those who believe that there is nothing can be done and have resigned to our nation's purloined fate.

Interview #1 down

2007-11-05T08:16:00.001-05:00

I had my first interview last Thursday in Pennsylvania. I had a great time, actually. One of the attendings who interviewed me is an OB-GYN and we talked about my experiences as a community obstetrician. She is also apparently a musician, so we did have a common ground to walk upon. She was nice to me and I can see that she is, well, impressed with my clinical experience. The other attending is a behavioralist and has a BA in English. I can say that we can talk the whole day. We went past the 45 minute time for my interview and I can feel that I can talk to her until 5am the next morning, but I guess I need a lot of booze past 12. Anyway, we talked about books and my recommendations for her. We talked about humanities in which I am truly interested more than medicine. My medical career had failed me in a million ways that I can think of. I don't think a book failed my expectations ever. So we talked about that and my interest in books tackling cultural assimilation and psychology. I think I got her. Jerry Mcguire might have been caught with hello, but I caught her with Dogeaters (Jessica Hagedorn's book about the Marcos regime).

Nevertheless, I am not still saved from the search. Each of them asked if I could really speak Spanish. 'Cause it says so in my application. Sure, I can speak some Spanish but I am not yet fluent. Yet. I am still working on it. ALthough I pressured myself in learning the language prior to the interview in the aim of shedding truth in my working application, it wasnt enough by the time I had the interview. But, now I am still perfecting my spanish and learning 20 words everyday.

For those who think that Spanish is easy and would resemble our vernacular, you are a deliberate ignoramus. It is not easy , nor amorous. I had never found conjugating verbs as tedious as conjugating paramecia. (That's easy, dump them in a hay infusion and --tada--4 million paramecium by conjugation and of course, cell division. Now, you can tell that I really am a geek). Dang, I used to hate gerunds and other stupid English parts of speech but I never thought I would hate VERBS that much. Que asco!

Anyway, I just hope my interview went well and consider me as a family medicine resident in their hospital. I don't really care if I'll be staying in Lebanon,PA for 3 years (Hello, cows and salami). It is just such a relief that New York and 42nd Street is 3 hours away. Let's see in a few weeks.

Of Lizards and Cavemen

2007-09-05T03:35:00.000-05:00

TIME: 12:33 pm
PLACE: Freeway - 30 W near H St
EVENT: We crashed the car while doing 80 miles on the freeway. Beej and I were both stunned because its our first time to be in a motor accident.
HOW: We were on our way to Glendora to have lunch with Tita P when our rear left tire lost thread. We were moving fast on the 30 west freeway when it happened. Beej slowed down, trying to keep the wheel straight, when the car started to wobble. Then, he tried to get out of the lane we are in, aiming towards the right shoulder. Next thing we knew is that we were slowly spinning towards my direction, perpendicular to the incoming traffic and diagonally across the freeway, careening towards the steel gutters in the left shoulder. The rear end of the car hit the gutter, gave us a minor whiplash on our seats and went straight to the left shoulder. We looked at each other after the mishap, thanking God that we were fine.
WHY: Tobey is an old car. A 1997 Summit with 97,000 of mileage that Beej picked from Long Island. Although it is relatively unspent for its age, the tires are now brittle and unfit for the hot, California freeway. The roads were baked in the 110 degree heat that afternoon and the tires is not up for the torch.
WHY WE THANK GOD: We could have died if it happened in a different place and time.
1) If we took the 10 instead of the 30 W, the busy freeway would have created a lot more damage. Imagine a mass of incoming cars coming right at you at 70-80 miles per hour.
2) If it happened during our road trip in the middle of New Mexico or Arizona, I could have been pulling my head and tearing my eyes out.
3) If I was driving, I could have busted my lungs out, screaming. But, then that's a long shot. Indeed, a very, very long shot. While I was learning how to drive, I dented my dad's car. I never touched the wheel since then, ergo, I never learned to drive at all.
CONSEQUENCE: We were stunned for 2 minutes. We were shaking and I couldn't speak for a while. Two drivers who saw the whole thing stopped and asked us if we were fine. In fairness, they made sure we could walk and talk fine before leaving us in the freeway. Beej called the cops, AAA and Geico. AAA was fast, the highway cop was irritating at first and Geico gave us the worst shit of all. To put it in simple terms, basic insurance for the 12-year old car covers wreck when we hit a car or got hit by one. Since the Summit's wreck was due to a flat tire, Tobey won't get anything and Beej receives nothing, just sympathy. Screw them! Caveat emptor: Read your policy before buying your car insurance. Its so easy to sign up online but it's a freaking steal. Now, I'm beggining to hate lizards and cavemen.
LOOKING AT THE BRIGHT SIDE: It was my first ride on an AAA tow truck. Wooohooo!
PROCESSING: As we were doing the 180 deg turn, I was wondering how hard the impact will be. We were destined to hit the metal railing anyway, it matters if the impact is huge enough to cost us our lives. When it hit the railing, my head was thrown to the headrest and the car slowed down to the left shoulder. It was fine...thank God, I thought, but I held my breath until the car came to a complete stop. I freed my lungs with that breathful of air, realizing at that point, that I wasn't alone with that sigh. We actually shared the carbon dioxide and the feeling of absolution in that long, worthwhile release of burning air.

We could have died. We actually couldn't believe the fact that we were in a point that our lives could have expired, and, it will be the end of it all. Poof, gone. And boy, how upset my mom will be! (Thank God, she isn't even near the term tech-savvy, thus, no way to read this post.) After that, we were begging for a supreme force to beam us back to New York. Or a supreme being to do that for us, like Hiro Nakamura. We suddenly felt nostalgia for the subway, the walks in Central Park and convenience of the metro card. New York...where our concerns revolved in weight loss, smoke money and unemployment. Gosh, I couldn't wait to go back.

Ano na naman ito??

2007-08-30T18:14:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIzcUlQFTjg

I am so sorry but I am sick and tired of Willie. Can you just axe him from the noon time show business?? Isn't it enough for him to massacre 73 people? And now pinapalabas nya na martyr pa sya since pinapasaya nya ang buong Pilipinas. Shut up, man. Sorry ABS guys. I boycotted his show since the stampede happened. Can you take seeing your kababayans die after shitting in their pants, standing in line for 3 days and doing everything standing up? I am sorry but this is beyond my level of comprehension of humanity. I mean I dont care about the geeks who lined up for Harry Potter, the iPhone and the Wii---at the end nobody died. But these people lined up and lost their lives for this freaking show. My question is WHY IS IT STILL IN THE AIR? The tragedy was so outrageous that even Chancellor Nemenzo made a comment on it in the Inquirer, condemning the show and saying it cultivates a culture of begging, which I think is so much true.

For the argument at hand, it was an obvious mistake and Willie should do reparations for that. Its obvious that he is not taking his work seriously and this mistake translates to pandadaya. What is so wrong about Joey's comment about it?

Mr Willie, I think you owe the public a lot of explanation.

Are We There Yet?

2007-08-23T01:01:00.001-05:00

One of the must-have skill that I haven't learned yet is driving. So, when my friend Beej asked me to go with him on a cross-country drive to LA, I said yes, for the lack of better things to do. And then he went: "We can switch turns on the wheel." Uh-huh. Honey, I would LOVE to, but then I don't want to end up dead in the middle of Lubbock, Texas. He still took me in for the offer regardless (irregardless) of my incapacity. He's one heck of a friend!

In five hours, we will start our 4 day journey to California, which I have been dreading since the beginning of this week. I've never tried sitting in a car in a 12-hour car drive before. No, sir. So, I've been researching for the best route, best places to go (i.e. all those non-driving stuff), things to watch out for and this has kept me busy for the past days. I've been doing road researching and motel checks. So far, the only thing sure is the interstates that we are going to take. Hopefully, by the end in day 1, we will find ourselves in Dayton. OH. But then lets see.

So...it will be Beej, me and-- tada!--Cubby...his irritating pomeranian pooch, which I am willing to trade off for a room somewhere in Tulsa, OK. Bwahaha. Well, Cubby has a temper, which is apt for his 14-year life in this human world: if I am THAT old, I'll be grumpy as well. So we'll be bringing his car loaded with a trunkfull of books, backseat-full of clothes, two iPods, two sacks of chips, a cooler with water and soda and two laptops. Can we survive this one??

But I am excited as well. This is an adventure of a lifetime! A tick on the list of the stuff that you'll do once but never try again: e.g. standing for 4 hours in Times Square, in freezing weather, waiting for the wretched disco ball to fall down in New Years' Eve and jumping a cliff in Batangas that almost broke my coccyx (buti na lang it was soft sand). Hmmm...I wonder what Oklahoma looks like. And Texas and oh, New Mexico. One thing I like to do with trips is navigating. This time we are not using GPS but a guide from AAA and a map of the US interstates. I just hope theres no obstacles in the way: traffic, closed roads and ugh, natural calamities which have been giving me cold feet since Monday.

Honestly, I am also having anxieties of leaving New York City. Although I'll just be spending 2 weeks in the west coast, I'll be having NYC withdrawal. The city is my addiction. Its like sucking a good breath of cigarette after sex. The city suffocates you at first but then it speeds up your circulation, elevates your blood pressure and makes you hold your dear breath like its your last one. It puts you in a higher plane of awareness and a sense of euphoria for being there. The blinding lights of Time Square is ecstasy without the pill: it heightens your senses and dampens your mood. And when your get your down, you crave more for the city. More of what it can offer. More of what it can give and definitely more than what you can take. The city is my addiction, and the metaphor is lucid as a dreamless night.

Moreover, I am truly appreciating my place in the city. Hell's Kitchen is the best place to be. Bars that I frequently go to are one to two blocks from each other. I walk to Broadway shows and Central Park. And I have my closest friends in my reach.

But maybe there's something in store for me in LA. Something that I have always wanted and still not yet realized. I believe that travel increases my luck. Not that I have luck yet, but it is just a fung shui thing that i picked from my friend. Luck for us slimy serpents who are not so lucky in this year.

Well, then, I am off to sleep now...

Things To Do To Kill Idle Time

2007-07-31T05:52:00.000-05:00

This is my time to build up unexploited knowledge that I am always planning to do. Now, I want to do it wholeheartedly, with passion so I could carry it to completion. I am tired of spending borrowed money so I would like spend the next few weeks indoors, researching and trying to enrich myself with these:

1. Learn Spanish. I am just lazy. I have 4 learn spanish books in here and tons of resources in the internet but I haven't really gave it some serious time. Goal: Watch Almodovar films without subtitles.

2. Master photography. Although I know some basic stuff, I want to really understand whats going on with the revolving switch on top of jeff's camera. And the manual settings to get a good picture. Goal: Take good pictures in the weekend. (I'm going to Maine).

3. Re start French. Started French two years ago, but figured that Spanish is more important to my career. Now, I realize that its good to know both, for career and personal reasons.

My ultimate dream is to live in Europe for a year. Just to immerse myself with the culture, take good pictures and eat good food. I would love to write a book about it and fill it with interesting pictures. Good plan, eh?

I'm So Tired Of Getting Unfortunate

2007-07-27T08:19:00.000-05:00

Really. I am just tired of not getting what I want. I've been in this state for years and its getting tiring. But what can I do? I want to cry and claw my eyes out, tear my clothes and soak in the rain...but 1) there's no rain, 2) clothes are expensive and 3) I have this irritating tenacity that I cannot make myself cry in these situations. I am just so numb with all that has happened to me that I refuse to shed a single fucking tear for my own career. Its just not so worth it.

But then, I cannot afford a paradigm shift. I have a lot of options layed out in the table but somehow, I find it difficult to pick one and try....like there's a block of lead resting on my arm. I also have this huge anvil on my pride that makes me refuse to accept that everything I have worked for is not going so well. Sometimes I wonder if it's idiocy to peep through a pinhole of light when you can switch on a lightbulb.

What can I do to get this black cat out of me? I've tried fung shui, numerology for a time and even believe in horoscope. Prayers have been my refuge and I believe it works. But I still feel there's something that pulls me away from my goals, leading me away to the pits of darkness , to the cold and bitter riverbed left with the harrowness of a disgruntled pride. What invisible hand gently deter me from rising up to the surface and breathe in a normal stride? It's not even salvation that I look for: only a suck of calming air--and its constancy--enough to know that when I thread towards the river's edge there's always air around me, enough for every rise of my lungs, enough for me to live.

Are You Part Of Dumbledore's Army?

2007-07-13T08:26:00.000-05:00

Jeff found this website where you can practice your wizarding skills...and we're DEFINITELY HOOKED...haha. We don't care if beat 10-year olds in this or them beating us...its just addicting!! haha. Stupefy! Protego! I LOOOVE IT!

Jhow and I watched the new Potter movie in IMAX and its so worth my $15 bucks. I like the movie...even though I loathe the book pieces. Book 5 is one tedious read without much story to advance the plot. The movie eliminated all those blahblah and created a good sequel to the Potter series. Jhow never read the book but liked the movie. Its THAT good. Plus the 3-D finale is AWESOME!! We bought tickets for the 9.30 AM screening. I thought it was all kids (yeah 90% of it) but there are adults as well. There's even two guys in their sixties wearing suits in our row. They have their briefcases with them: probably on their way to the office but opted to watch Harry before trading stocks. We even have this fairly adolescent group of HP fanatics rowmates sporting the lightning scar on their foreheads. WTF?! Pottermania is back!!

Part of Pottermania here in New York is a book launching party in Times Square on July 20 (which I am not planning to go). And...did you notice that Potter is in the cover of Details magazine this month? I dont like his shots in the feature article though. Too raunchy.

I couldnt believe why people are complaining that Harry had lost his magic. Well, I guess there's some universal truth in the Harry Potter series, which are:

1. Every one grows up. EVENTUALLY. Even I have to grow up and find a real job soon.
2. As you face the world, the story becomes darker and darker. Hell, if there's no darkness, how can you tell the bliss in finding the light. Sorry, I'm being Milton-ish here...but I find it true.
3. Magic never grows old. Merlin is a thousand years old but his magic never fails to bring back the kid in us. So does HP. I think even though Harry is some 64-year old actor doing Harry Potter 50, the magic on screen will never cease to enthrall me.

Ugh...on second thought...that's a lame idea. I won't be sitting on any HP movies past the 7th. And Harry too--he said so in the Details article. He wants to have a normal life. Just like the rest of us.

Lisa Rinna Should Go Back To Melrose Place

2007-07-09T09:26:00.000-05:00

Horrible! Horrible!!!

There is a great pressure when you stage a musical such as Chicago since there's a film you have to struggle against. This production I watched, however, never rose to the challenge. They never bothered to challenge it even. Everything was so lame in this production, so bad that I wanted to leave the theater during the intermission break. They wrecked the piece! And I feel absolutely disgusted!

A show like Chicago should be treated with R-E-S-P-E-C-T. The plot is flawless, the book is excellent and the choreography (Bob Fosse fame) is a classic. Its a classic. I keep watching All That Jazz on youtube because it never fails to entertain me. I actually went to see Bob Fosse's choreography in this one (since the story is not much a surprise...I watched the film around...ummm...15 times). But they made a HUGE mess!!! *banging head on the table*

There are a lot of heavy set, insanely muscular dancers casted and I think they are awful on stage. Where are the graceful jazz dancer spines? the toned muscular backs of jazz dancers? Their bulk destroyed the form...which I value more than the rhinestones in Velma's shoes. And let's not talk about Velma and Roxie in this one. They are the most detached, most apathetic, dull actors I've watched in Broadway EVER.

So, I'll give this one NEGATIVE five stars. Watch and puke all over the floor.

So I'm Back To Do My Favorite Pasttime...Jobhunting.

2007-06-25T15:38:00.000-05:00

I find my life so monotonous recently. It just revolves around unanswered application emails and trying to forget those. Trying to forget tools can be divided into 2 areas: meeting new people, hanging with old friends. Hanging out with friends is subdivided into 3 areas under it. Entertainment (watching movies, or broadway play), reading (trying to get one book past my book list) or alcohol (the one that makes you feel elated. so not isopropyl). And, for the past weeks, it has been more on alcohol and less on the last two. Gosh.

I could not even find time to write and for that matter, my neurons are taking much longer time to conjure words for a written piece of fucked up blog entry.

Anyway, I've been reading medical blogs since this morning and most of them are rants about the present medical care in the Philippines. Honestly, I've heard a lot of bullshit in the medical industry, hated the bureaucracy in PGH and facing private practice in a society where there is no working health insurance and therefore, no guarantees of being paid. So, I acted on it and went here to New York, passed every exam and decided to apply for any job in the medical field just to escape the sordid truth in the Philippine society. I was an escapee just like 1/2 of our class who decided to go to the land of milk and honey. So here I am, ready to start a life and be picked by an invisible hand to serve people I don't even know, or even, cared for.

Honestly, I miss my Filipino patients. I miss saying "Magandang umaga po. Ano pong ikukunsulta nila?" I miss waking my classmates in the middle of the night for a referral "Hey. My patient needs an ORIF, please do it for me...okay, thanks." And I miss helping Filipinos in need. Haay.

I miss eating with the nurses late in the night. And buying balot or siopao from the nearby food stalls.
I miss delivering babies and assisting in cesarian section while gossiping showbiz news.
I miss waking up in Boracay and greeting my first patient fresh from the bed.
I miss the house calls in Boracay and the excitement that you have to be on your toes for whatever consult they have.
I miss yosi breaks with the manongs and clerks in the hellish world of OsMun, usually after a code in the NICU and after a successful normal delivery (which sometimes scares the shit out of me. One word sends chills to my bones: dystocia)
I miss patients calling me up in the morning asking if it's ok to have cornflakes for her fluctuating blood sugar.
I miss reducing anterior shoulder dislocations in pedia patients (I've done this 3x in Boracay) and their look on you as if you're a superhero.
I miss eating with the NICU nurses and sneaking from the nursing supervisor since its forbidden to eat in the ICU. (But, we have the NA as look out.)
I miss saying "Oo wag kayong mag-alala. Kami po bahala sa anak nyo..."

I miss those simple things in my old life, and I'm pretty sure I'll never have them again.

Thank You For Leonardo Dreams Of His Flying Machine

2007-06-19T13:13:00.000-05:00

Eric Whitacre is one of my favorite choral composer mainly for giving us profound and ethereal pieces like Leonardo and Cloudburst. I haven't sung these master works but I've heard it from recordings and from his CD. I swear, after hearing it, you want to go up to heaven and kiss God on the cheek thanking Him for His gift of music. And for giving us Eric Whitacre.

Next month, his play Paradise Lost will hold its premiere in Los Angeles. I hope God will send a special plane ticket so I could go and watch. I bet it will be magical. Here's a clip of Leonardo Dreams Of His Flying Machine...

It's hard core choral stuff and I guess not everyone will appreciate it. I very much like it. Its a breather from the Palestrinas and Laudrisen which sounds very old. This one sounds young, hip and well, magical. I like it. I first fell in love with Cloudburst and then I got hooked.

I miss singing...

2007-06-12T12:57:00.000-05:00

Here's a video clip from the play THE ROMANCE OF MAGNO RUBIO, which I love. Subconsiously, I feel like screaming to every pinoy here in NYC I can't believe you haven't watched this play!! It is freakingly amazing!!.

I Think I Want To Work As A Writer Now...

2007-06-09T11:27:00.001-05:00

I submitted a short review about the play The Romance of Magno Rubio to a US-based Pinoy newspaper. It was a spur of a moment thing, composed the crap in 30 minutes and typed it for 10. It's short and the whole story about this writing assignment will be in my next blog.

ROMANCE IN THE US SOIL (WHERE FILIPINOS TOIL)
Richmond J. Ramirez, MD

Setting afoot in New York City three months ago, I
watched a television plug of the play The Romance of
Magno Rubio. Surprisingly, it was riddled with a lot
of praises from the cynical, perfectly snubbish,
critics of New York. I always eyed the Broadway
musicals as my kind of theater but I knew, I would
eventually see this play. Together with my friends
Robert, Russell and Luise, we bought tickets for it
hoping to catch a drift of the Filipino heritage on
stage that was sweeping the Big Apple. Never did we
thought that we were close to have missed such a
brilliant theater piece.

The Ma-Yi Theater reminds me of the Wilfredo Ma.
Guerrero theater back in UP where I frequently watch
the works of Tony Mabesa, Floy Quintos and other
theater personalities that I have grown to admire
during my stay in the University. Surprisingly, 80%
of the attendance last night were consist of
non-Filipinos. The play's playbill then contained
glossary for Filipino words which I doubted for a moment
if the audience would appreciate the use of the
Filipino language in the play, especially in the singsong
parts.

Based from the work of the late Carlos Bulosan, it
tells the story of a Filipino migrant worker, named
Magno Rubio and his enigmatic love for an unseen American
woman from Arkansas. Bulosan, who himself was a
"manong", narrates the lives of the first generation
of 100,000 migrant Filipino laborers whom American
laborers hired to work in U.S. plantations. Their
lives provided the backdrop in which the love of Magno
Rubio blossomed in all its innocence.

The plot may sound cliche, but the script, actors and
direction on stage gave it lividity. Each of the
characters had their own strengths and the actors
played their part in a very impressive way. The
dialogue was interspersed wittingly with Tagalog,
which I think is conscientious of the rest of the
American audience. Complete with the singing, arnis
moves and clever Filipino humor, it was worth any
musical on broadway and better yet, we can call it our
own.

After watching the play and the constant battery of
the words "Filipino ako!", I felt a twinge of
nationalistic pride and nostalgia of being 20,000
miles away from home. Too bad, we were only four among
the few brown faces within the predominantly white
crowd. The Romance of Magno Rubio should have been
our celebration of the Filipino pride: that we are a
people who toiled the soil of foreign lands until our
backs ache, but has too rich a culture capable of
producing honorable works of art and most of all,
capable of loving in an almost insane, Filipino way.

It's 4AM...But, I SWEAR, Our Stupid Luck Made Us Walk In Brooklyn At This Time Of the Night...Er...Morning

2007-06-08T13:56:00.000-05:00

It started out to be a good plan: Bring a few dollars enough for dinner. Dinner with Joseph. Go to Beej House for DVD ripping spree. Home. Little did I thought, that Beej wanted to go out and have drinks. We promised ourselves not to spend too much. $10 max.

But things lead to another: we had a drinks of $4 total, had great conversations with NFF, exchange numbers and then, left. It was a nice evening until The Fucking Series of Unfortunate Events: (take note, we're not even drunk!!)
BOOBOO NUMBER 1: We missed the G train because we were on the wrong side of the track. We're languishing in poverty, remember? This could've been a great plan.
BOOBOO NUMBER 2: Beej decides to get into a cab. My usual alcoholic self wants another plan: go to the bar, order another round of beers and come back to the subway after an hour. My buzz was wearing off so I thought it was a great idea. The cab isn't much of a stupid idea and could've worked under our budget until the freaking bridge in Brooklyn had to stop traffic and let a friggin' garbage barge passs through!!

We were like WHAT THE FUCK!! And we sat on the cab watching the meter tick to our very last cash. BOOBOO NUMBER 3: We paid and went out of the cab. Walking in disgrace to the sidewalks, we were howling with laughter with our humbling experience. We waited until the bridge closes the gap.
I was so amazed by our dumb luck last night, that I had to take pictures, blog it and store it in history. OHMYGOD, WE"RE SO BROKE THAT WE"RE WALKING IN JACKSON AVE AT 4 IN THE MORNING!!! I CANT FUCKIN' BELIEVE IT!! But it was really fun. Who would have thought that a PhD graduate and a MD is walking on the streets of Brooklyn and totally broke? Haha.
And finally we had to prove the time in pictures so we have this one. We're laughing like crazy for our misfortune and surely, all these will go down to the books. God, I have a fuckin' headache from lack of sleep but it's all worth it...

Mon and Jeff: A Simple Pigout Life (A photoblog)

2007-06-06T12:50:00.000-05:00

Sunday, June 3. Jeff is off the whole weekend. A perfect time to take pictures on the subway. Phew! What a touristy thing to do. Though, I don't care. Everyone is still asleep on this sunday morning to give us bullshit.
Woke up early. No coffee yet, snatching some sleep and trying to block sunlight in the subway. Big duh. Taken on the Q train to Brooklyn using Jeff's new camera.
A hemirib cage of a cow prepared by Harold. It was wonderful...tastes like Friday's ribs. They've been cooking "simple meals" like this since 8am in the morning. I think it's a med choir thing. I love going to Brooklyn.
There goes my diet! I've been living with Slim Fast Optima bars for the past week to slice the slab of fat off my waistline...well, not today. I guess I could party once in a while.
Sinful truffle cake for dessert. We spiced it up with strawberries for that Food Network touch. We could sit and watch Food Network all day.
The Ultimate Tag Team in Sleeping. Is there a World Federation of some kind for this sport? I'm sure we'll kick other contenders' butts.
Off to Brighton Beach for a change in scenery and immersion in Russia. Everyone here is Russian and old. But, a beach is a beach. Nothing beats the salty breeze.
Cheers!! Drinking tarragon and pear flavored soda in a Russian restaurant. The pear soda tastes like sago't gulaman, I swear. Perfect with the lamb kebabs.
I don't even want to count the calories we consumed that day. Going back in Manhattan means starving myself to disintegrate those fat cells. Although, I look forward to another weekend in Brooklyn. Or some other place next time.

The Wait Is Killing Me And I Better Hit The Books

2007-06-06T12:23:00.000-05:00

I mean THE books (shown left). Not the Medical Books that I am detesting right now. I haven't read anything of THE books lately since I came here in New York. I was so amazed by my iPod's capability of storing movies, which, I could view anywhere, anytime. I saw a few good movies in that gadget for the past months. It saves me money from going to the movies here in the US and it really keeps me updated with the box office.

Let me run you through. The Patricia Cornwell books were scavenged from my friend in San Fo which she was ready to throw away. I never read any of these crime thrillers actually and I guess its cheaper to start on something free. Haha. I bought The Swimming Pool Library and The Farming of Bones yesterday from Strand. Martin and John was procured with a dollar from the local library. And then, the rest are Spanish learning books, which I have been trying to learn for the past 3 months. No progress. I'm a dumbass, can't you see? After all the espanol I've learned, I tried conversing with a guy from Argentina via Skype the other day. I ended up using freetranslation.com the whole time. I was cutting and pasting frantically during the whole conversation. Thank you technology. But, the purpose was defeated at will.

And the wait literally kills me. I've been emailing all the program directors in all the states, but, still no luck. I'm trying (like hell) to keep my hopes up. But then, I went through very rough times in my life and this is NOTHING compared to that one.

Well, I buy books when I'm sad. I still have a lot of backlog books at home--30-ish--so I guess, that speaks for the pits, abyss and nadirs I went into. Nevertheless, I really want to write when I get old. That's why I want to have copies of good books. I can go back to the good ones and pick the author's brains. The Patricia Cornwell books have to go, though. It's just not the kind of literature that I will be proud to have sitting on my bookcase. But, I don't know. I can give her a chance.

Current Events Is My Favorite Subject in Grade Five

2007-05-31T17:25:00.000-05:00

That's when I used to read Time, Asiaweek and the newspaper because I don't want my dad's subscription go to waste. Now, here's the scoop:

1. I bought a laptop for $200. -Tada- amazing, right? It's Celeron M, though, with a 40G HD and a GB of RAM. It's 2 years old and has wireless. But then, how can you go wrong? Its just for emailing and chatting and blogging plus all the dumbass shit I've been doing to pass time. It will do till I have the power to purchase a Mac.

2. I swear, I'm going to lose those extra pounds. Yoga is getting my attention right now. I havent started jogging yet. It's stupid but I'm kinda waiting for my iPod armband I ordered in amazon for 5 bucks. My toes are crossed; hoping it's not a piece of junk.

3. I'd better start reading. I wont reach 300 books by forty if I'm this slow. Actually, I would love to start a library but I'll be going around a lot, so its not the brightest of all ideas.

4. I need a new phone case. I was crossing the street to the apartment and was talking over the phone. Suddenly, the face plate came loose and dropped in the middle of the intersection! I have to pick it up and in the process, I was almost run down by those crazy NYC cab drivers! I need to go to chinatown soon.

5. Learn Spanish...pronto. It's a MUST skill for physicians in the US. The more you learn spanish, the more chances of winning. I'm not leaving the race...uh-huh...its definitely ON.

There's no room for laziness and complacency when you're thirty.

Friends, Gifts and A New Haircut For My Birthday...I Couldn'd Ask For More

2007-05-31T16:02:00.001-05:00

Being unemployed and broke in the city did not stop my friends in celebrating my third decade of life. I was planning to celebrate it in low-key, totally proverbial kind of partying but it was nothing like that. It was a week-long celebration...I was partying with a different set of friends all the time and it was just a bliss to have these amazing friends around me. They all know what I went through and they were keeping me extremely happy. I could've done these things for them, I swear, if everything worked out the first time I set foot in NYC and I think they know that. That's why they're going all out for me. That's how I felt, though. It might be right or wrong, but I don't really care.

MON: Karaoke with Jeff and SLR friends
TUES: (my bday night) dinner with Cindy and Alex (thanks), Therapy and B bar with Beej. (I was drunk, but not Boracay drunk.)
WED: rest day (hangover...)
THURS: Pot luck with SLR pinoy mafia and Harold (he's from SUNY) and Beej(CUNY/NYU)
FRI: night out at The Web with Omar, Joseph and Beej
Saturday: Spring Awakening with Jong, Cindy and Jeng. (Thanks for the tickets, Jongster!)
SUN: Manhattan tour for Jeng, afternoon picnic at Central Park (we won for most food brought amongst the picnic people...it was a knockoff! Godiva chocolates in the park?? Who can beat that/)

This part, I would want to thank my sponsors: Beej for the kare-kare (I love, so love, absolutely love it), Chari (for the pasta), Cinds (for...schucks, I forgot what she brought), Alex (for the stroganoff), Aggie (for the cupcakes), Cla (for the cake, Harold (for the seal liver pate-an inside joke) and Debbie (for shit, I forgot too). Thanks people! Love you to bits. Of course, I can never thank Jeff enough for having me in his apartment.

Thanks, Jeng for this. I know its pricey, man, you shouldn't have bothered but thanks, really. I actually asked her to buy this for me in Dubai since fragrances like this one is much cheaper there. She just gave it to me and kissed me happy birthday. Aww, so sweet. She's an angel.

My boo was happy too. He sports a new coat now courtesy of Joseph and Jeff Price. But I am keeping my puke green skin for the iPod which everyone think is hedious. One friend even lied to me and quipped Well, I said it was cute that you have it. Liar! You told me it was cute. But then, your kare-kare made me forgive you. *wink*

And I got a new haircut--which whipped 10 years from my current age. I'm not really into this prepubertal kid look but I guess saying goodbye to my locks for the summer is a good idea. Its becoming unruly and mufasa-ish sometimes and I had terrible pictures during my birthday. So, I wont be posting any of those pics here. I hate blackmail.

This has been another unforgettable birthday, just like the bdays I spent in Manila where everybody in ICON and close friends would troop to our suburban home in the middle of summer. When everyone would say: "Man, I saw cows on the road on my way here and thats when I know I'm on the right track. Happy birthday!"

Actually, I'm not sure of the I couldn't ask for more part. Materialism is one of my favorite virtues, along with vanity and pretention. A MacBook and a job will be oh so fine.

Memorial Day Was Spent Visiting My Childhood Memories...Not Veterans

2007-05-31T15:28:00.000-05:00

Memorial day was sunny and everything nice. Carlos phoned me the night before and ask me if I would like to come and have a barbeque with his family in this upstate park in NY. I said yes cause Jeff will probably sleep the whole day after a night float. Anyway, we're supposed to go to Bear Mountain but one of our companions has a dog. Unfortunately, wild life is already threatened in that park, I assume, so we ended up spending the afternoon in FDR park, which is 40 miles north of their place in the Bronx.

Generally, it was a slow day. But slow is nice, after all the partying I did during my BIRTHWEEK. (No, my mother didn't bear down that long but celebration for the big 3-Oh lasted for a week. And...I was delivered via C-section. My mom didn't have Shakira hips.)We ate, slept, played Nintendo DS and had an hour stroll which really fired up a tan. I wasn't planning to get burnt and I didn't have the faintest idea that it would be fun playing dumb computer games again.

It was also Carlos' birthday! I remember when we were kids, he goes to my house for my birthday and after five days, I would go to his house for his birthday. We were young then. Once upon a time, our problem was mainly keeping ourselves busy while waiting for the high school freaks to fill up the school bus. We once bought a box of firecrackers and almost set the bus tires on fire. We got caught, but he was casted into the fire 'cause back then, he was the rowdy one and I am the goody-two-shoes, overachiever kid who would never do such a thing (so they thought). God, that was fun. Now he has a cute kid (Allyson) and a Subaru on turbo engine. Things stayed the same after two and a half decades from prep school: I have the world on my shoulders and he always had one thrill of a ride.

And now I wish it was the other way around.

No, They Didn't Attend My Birthday Party But I Wish They Did

2007-05-29T23:58:00.000-05:00

They're Jonathan and Lea from the first (take note) broadway musical I've seen since I got here. I've heard of Spring Awakening from my friends and it's been my wish to see this new musical from Duncan Sheik (my, he's so old now). Actually, my goal in going to the US is to look for a job and if all fails, watch this show. I never told my mom that, though. She might have fainted and cursed me to hell.

I'm happy that I got my wish three days after my birthday. It was a nice diversion after welcoming my big 3-Oh and realizing that I still live with my parent's subsidy. Gosh, that sucks. Getting student rush tickets didn't help that much, either. Getting a partial view of the stage really makes you suck your breath and sigh for all the things you can afford for now. (Operative word here is for now.)

So there, it was my birthday a week ago and I did celebrate for a week. I finished my exam before that that's why I had a lapse of inactivity in this site. The exam was so freaking hard. I literally want to strangle my friends who told me it was easy. Right now, I'm doing all those novenas and pray that my educated guesses really went to school. I need a deus ex machina and I hope its all in the works right now.

Okay, Spring Awakening: I had expectations...some were met, yes, but I think I wasn't ready for this kind of musical when I entered the Sullivan theater. Well, I just thought that it would be another musical like Wicked or Avenue Q in which the songs were made to tell the story. In Spring Awakening, its more like a Duncan Sheik album that was sang onstage and made a story fit for it. It was the other way around. I guess for me it wasn't a musical, but rather more like a concert play. I find Sheik's lyrics too flowery and too detached for a musical. There is generally a lot of abstraction in his lyrics which is, for me, hard to come from a play that supposed to tell a story or resolve a conflict. Neither it was conversational nor narrative. Also, the conflict was presented vaguely that I didn't have the urge to see Act two. Coming of age is not really a conflict, cause everyone goes through it, so I didn't really see the point. But that's just me and I sat through Act Two.

Put some sense on this, will you, and educate me:
O, I'm gonna be wounded.
O, I'm gonna be your wound.
O, I'm gonna bruise you.
O, you're gonna be my bruise.

This is supposed to be a romantic song but I can't...just can't get it. Is it because I read wound and bruise in a medical point of view? Or Duncan is too lame for a more sensible metaphor? That is where all the unmet expectations came from. All objections are overruled at this point, thank you, cause basically, this is my fucking blog. I doubt any major record label would like to release the song.

Anyway, it was filled with eye candy and butt exposure that is worth my dough. So I don't care about the content at all. (shrugs jokingly) The play has 11 tony nominations and I would like the guy who played Moritz to win. He sings The Bitch of Living and he's the most stable (vocally) among the cast.

It was a nice birthday and I have to tell the past week's events soon.

MedChoir Past, Present and Future

2007-05-06T21:48:00.000-05:00

It's a nice spring day in the city, thus, we all trooped to Brooklyn and went to the Sias' Flatbush apartment. I like the Flatbush neighborhood: the Jews, ghetto and decent-looking flats in one area. It's like having a patch of communities in a single area and its a Q train away from the city.

My caloric intake for this day was fulfilled in a single sitting, so to speak. We had liver pate for appetizers, pasta bolognese, a ref cake with nice chilled wine and a helping of Junior's cheesecake (the best in the planet...although Rico's baked cheesecake came a close second). Its fun because it's been a while since the last time I saw Pia and Harold. Jong even came...all the way from Rhode Island. Too bad, Leng was the only Y.O. (young ones) present. It was still fun to hang out with them. We were a bunch of altos and basses, so we didn't even tried a chord. But still, its nice to hang out with old and new friends.

We watched our old choir tour cds all day--that's how we missed each other. We whined most of the time for the aesthenic habitus we will never achieve again and the sound we have made back then. It was a rather nostalgic and restful afternoon. Perfect timing before I hit the books again tomorrow.

I Feel Guilty...I Am Watching Films And TV Too Much

2007-05-04T09:22:00.000-05:00

I watched this last night and it was quite a scare. Its a cross between Dawn of the Dead and hmm...The Sixth Sense. The actors are Russian and I guess that fact added to the macabre. I highly recommend it.

Finally, my tagline for this blog is finally making sense. If you are watching heroes, it is making sense indeed. The final 4 episodes are on the run every monday and its making me pee in anticipation. The storyline is so good and I've never been hooked to TV before but this one is definitely making history.

Fabulous Places To Study In New York

2007-05-03T16:19:00.000-05:00

I got fed up with studying at apartment and with watching the construction of the condo in front of the window so, it's time to explore New York City WHILE I study. Sounds like a really NERDY thing to do. There are advantages in studying outside: 1) people watching (which I give 1,000 points), 2) I can explore New York and 3) makes me lose weight (I don't want to spend money on food that much) So, yesterday, I went to the Bryant Park branch of the NY Public Library with Chari. I had good 6 hours of reading and took some pictures.

Right now, I am here in a friend's apartment in Long Island, a subway stop away from Grand Central. I did a good 150 questions on the internet review site and then took a stroll out to check out their local park. Gosh, it is such a nice park and the day is totally perfect today. I caught these snapshots:

Undeniably, it was a good view of Manhattan. The UN building was directly in front of the pier and I BET it is more fantastic during the evening. My friend really had a good deal with his apartment. This is just a study break so I have to go back to the books.

Hasta manana.

A Hard-To-Put Down Movie Especially When You're Watching From Your iPod

2007-05-02T17:34:00.000-05:00

I have this habit of watching a movie, or a part of it, on my iPod. With the state of my review right now and the dwindling amount of Step 3 information I have inside my head, I tend to restrict personal activities into: 1) watching American Idol, 2) doing yoga or any kind of exercise and 3)cleaning up the apartment. Last night, though, I tried to sleep while watching this movie. I ended up having some eye-shut at 3 in the morning.

Inspite of the not-so-inspiring review by the podcast Filmspotting, I still watched the movie, while I scratch my vertex and figuring out why the hell his supposedly-B-movie lasted three weeks in the box office. I must admit that Shia LaBeouf was one convincing 16-year-old. I can feel the agitation, the anxiety and the raging-hormones-portrayal of a neighborhood voyeur. And the yes, the B-movie plot moved on and revolved upon a serial killer neighbor. Big whoop. It's been sold, rented and remade in the movie industry but I guess the actors had to contribute in this one's success.

Now, I am really into Shia. Probably, I'll move on to watch his other indie films like Bobby and A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints...and I have to mention this: he is also in Transformers and the next Indiana Jones bound to be released next year. He's the "in" thing right now and you know how conformist I can get. *wink*

Taking An Exam Is Like Going To War, But I Need To Go To Sleep Now

2007-05-01T23:18:00.000-05:00

I had a productive day. I did a little of this and a dash of that. I have to finish Crush the Boards tomorrow. Come to think of it, I haven't finished any review book. What the hell!! 18 days to go! Gosh, I really have to take this seriously from now on.

I have a new fascination right now: YOGA. Due to the lack of funds and the unbearable chill of the morning, I have no motivation/resources to go to the gym. Nor run in Central Park. So, I am doing yoga. Back in PI, I tend to shy away from isometric exercises like pilates and yoga. It's pure torture for me. I like active gym classes. Well, poverty is a real bummer. Yoga is a poor man's exercise anyway.

But, yeah...now I'm beginning to like yoga. Will I be a vegetarian too? Nah, adobong sitao is never a match for adobong manok...so, I never entertained the idea.

Before I sleep, I just want to share this picture from Jeff's apartment rooftop:

That's something. And that's me trying to break the wind with my face. God, I look awful. That not a good final thought for the day. Hmm...it will do. Wait! Its a sunny day tomorrow. I can jog in the morning. For an hour. Before I start studying. (Why am I writing like Anne Proulx?)

That's fine. It'll be sunny tomorrow: something to look forward to.

Good night, minions.

I Want To Be A Success Story

2007-05-01T06:56:00.000-05:00

I am currently studying 6 hours a day, exercising for 2, doing less TV and eating less.

I need to find a job and pass this test.
I need to learn how to cook.
I need to lose weight and be fit.
That is why I haven't updated this blog.

I have no social life
No time to tumble and play
I'm going crazy for the lack of it
No booze nights to kill the stress

My life is my iPod, my books and my cigs
The cable and the net too
Basically, I learned I can live my life with those things
But I have to figure out where to get dough.

I swear, I'm getting crazy because I never wrote poems
Especially in this blog of nonsense rants;
Cause I don't like to be called a showoff
And poems are such a valley girl thing to do

SHIT. I AM crazy.
I have a shit of a life to tell.
But I am working out of it
Working out of living hell.

...and now, m thinking in rhymes...I think I am crazy. Yeah, I really do. (Waaah!)

My iPod Is Puke Green And Now I Want Everything Green!

2007-04-22T13:23:00.000-05:00

I recently bought a new case for my iPod. It's green with spikes like a tsinelas and when it's on my iPod, the whole thing looks like a scrubber. But I love it. And now, I'm loving everything green.

I could have gotten a nicer color, but there's no other color available. I got it for $4, which I think is a steal. I like the feel of it so I guess, it will suit just fine for a while. I call it puke (not the vernacular for vagina, cause that doesn't make sense, dummy) green iPod. It serves a double purpose because the skin feels nice to hold on...like a little anti-stress thingamajig.

I love puke green now.

I Have To Update My Blog Often 'Cause My Readers Say So

2007-04-22T12:51:00.000-05:00

Uh-huh. I was born to please. And if you're approaching 30-something, there is better things in life than to please your mom. Friends are easier to please because they don't complain. They don't pressure you to marry either.

I guess keeping a blog is not really a bad idea. You can get back to all the stupid stuff you've been doing all this time. In my case, I have my whole life to tell. But I'm focusing on the NEWER stuff. The old stuff is pretty much history, anyway. Oh, but I will tell the recent history. There are some interesting stories I like to share.

What's also nice is the lack of sensorship in blogs. You can use shit, fuck and puta (or putada...that's Spanish) without a reprimand. It reflects on your personity, but personally, I don't give a fuck.

Let's move on...

I don't know...but I really have a knack with thrill amusement park rides. I love playing with death and the sense of handling it all to the mercy of an iron bar or a seat belt. I get a high with that. I guess I have a closet borderline personality (although I'm partially out of the door -- in any sense of the word "closet") but it is a relief that I still don't know how to drive. I'll take any rollercoaster for a speed high. Just what Grissom does. It makes sense and makes me alive.

When we learned that there' sun this week end, we trooped to Jackson, NJ for a taste of Six Flags. Gosh, I miss the sun and it's good that it's starting to get warm. Ging and the rest of our gang were into thrill rides (thank God), so we didn't waste a minute. In summary, we rode 6 of the 8 rollercoasters: twice in the El Toro, totally skipped the Space Shuttle-like ride and the last one was down for the day. Here are some of the rides we rode:

SUPERMAN:slow ride with lots of twists and turns. The thrill is that you ride it while facing the ground. Almost like flying. But flying squirrel fast. BORING.

EL-TORO: Superfast roller coaster with a 76 degree drop. I got scared the first time cause my bar wasn't snug enough. The first drop lifts you up your butt so, prepare to curse on that drop. I secured my bar on the second time. Raised my arms the whole ride, too, on that run. MEAN AND SWEET.

KING DA KA: See that green track on the horizon. It's the tallest in the world. Propels you to 200mph and drops you face down on the ground. Too fast to be enjoyed. I couldn't keep my eyes open because my contacts will get lost with the wind. The drop was worth it. SWEET.

BATMAN and NITRO. Batman was OK. Faster than superman. Nitro was FIERCE (but El Toro still wins). Long ride with 7 camel backs, 2 Sturns, 2 hammerheads. SWEET.

It's 4AM and I just ate kare-kare

2007-04-19T03:37:00.000-05:00

Yeah, talk about food trip. Kare-kare is one of the most revered dish in the Philippines. Beef stew in peanut sauce. Its overrated I think because I grew up with my lola's and mom's kare-kare, which is cooked according to my grandma's Bulacan roots. My mom's kare is so bland that you cannot eat it on its own. You have to eat it with bagoong (shrimp paste) to really appreciate it. I think it was overrated when I was growing up, hence, I'm not actually excited when Ging told me that Kit made some.

But this one is different. I've been away from home for one month now and I can use a break from all the Chinese and American takeout food that I've been gobbling for a month. Kit's kare-kare was so great, I had to smoke a good cig after dinner. And yeah, its 4AM here. Ging just got home from a toxic call in the ER and fetched me from Arvin's place. When we got home, that's the first thing we did. And it was MEAN!!! I love the kare!!

But seriously, you have to forgive me for pigging out early in the morning. I totally skipped lunch today and had a small dinner consisting of Chinese take out. I had a few crackers for my hunger pangs, but that's about it for my calorie intake. I have to lose weight. I'm not THAT fat but I feel like lugging around a belt bag with this abs of mine. So, I told myself: Cut the calories or else live in humiliation.

I could use another serving for breakfast, though. Yum!

Farmer's Market in Lebanon, Pennsylvania

2007-04-06T12:51:00.000-05:00

Lebanon is a rural town and it's as rural as it gets. I kid you not: Rolling hills and pastures 1 mile from the town center, farms and real back and white cows on the roadside and there's no high rise within the 15 mile radius. Sure feels like home...Alas! There's a nice farmers market in the middle of the town, which I absolutely looove. Nice interiors (a refurbished warehouse) and good country food.
I love the small herb shop, the philly steak shop and the kick-ass soup kitchen called Soup Thyme which I thought is a clever name.

Okay, calories taken in for this post: 1,200 calories. WTF!! No, I'm kidding...I'm just not anal retentive enough to count calories when I eat. Its enough to know that I got a taste of everything. Burp!

Everyone Drives In Pennsylvania

2007-04-06T09:06:00.000-05:00

I can't believe its snowing again!! Here in Pennsylvania, its 20-30 degrees outside!! Gosh, I was welcoming spring when I came here. I'm missing FL already. I decided on a few things already which is a big step for me -- indecisive and no-good me. I'm taking the Step 3 exam which I just decided a while ago. The fee stings in the ass but my dad will pay for it (again) and will keep it on my tab. I don't want to burn some more green money (they're green but they ain't growin from trees!) so I need to bury my head in books. So, it doesn't matter where I end up--NY or PA--I just need some quiet time to prepare for the exam.

It sucks to realize that my money, you know when I get started with a job, will not stay in my pocket for LONG. I have a whole paper ROLL of tabs to pay. Greeaaat.

It's hard to believe but four of my good old college friends are here. So I took some pictures of them in the car. We knew each other for a good 12 years now (I counted). Now, they work in the SAME hospital system. How cool is that? I just wish I could go here too...well, I just wish to have a job. Nebraska doesn't sound bad this time. And Lansing, Michigan sounds like a good time. Haha.

You're right, I'm getting fat. Oh please, dont click the pictures and look at it in a bigger size (please, I beg you, refrain from that idea)...I'm putting on some weight and that wretched double chin is all I get from my pictures. Oh well. Kit is feeding me too much food here. Last night, we ate Korean barbeque. So far, I had Green curry, lengua estofado (in another friend's place) and oh-so-yummy standing beef roast for dinner since I came here. All those food is really destroying me. I should have taken pictures, though. NYPD style -- the row of culprits for my weight gain.

Freedom Writers

2007-04-06T08:39:00.000-05:00

Watched this film last night: I bawled like a baby. I like movies that are hopeful and touching like this one. I like films that evoke change and defy notion that says you can't. That in this vast, dark and cold space we called earth, all you do is switch on a small light bulb. I know that, cause I live there, too. Living wasn't easy for me--definitely not--and I guess how everything goes. Life can be hard and you just pray that it won't get any worse.

It's nice that the film featured the Holocaust as a teaching point against anarchy. I am fascinated by the Anti-semitism and the fascist regime in Europe ever since I read Ellie Weisel's "Night". It is a powerful book, considering it's barely a hundred or so pages. I admire the courage and fortitude of those who survived the Holocaust. Their spirit is amazing. I draw strength from them, too. I felt that I was part of the classroom when I watched this one.

Don't miss this. And I recommend Mr Weisel's book "Night", too.

A Handful of Disney pics

2007-03-29T08:57:00.000-05:00

My second look at Disney. Some things never change: Joseph equals tote bag forever. He was lugging around that humongous Ralph Lauren bag all day...well, all week!!. It was giving me a headache.

I like the one in Anaheim better. Gosh, there were so much people, we have to wait for a ride for 50 minutes. Yeah, while waiting for a Fast Pass. Omar in Jaksonville and Vince in Miami kept on pushing us to go to south florida...but your Highness wasn't up for the 9 hour trip. Nevertheless, Orlando was fun. The vacation was worth it. We just wished we went to Miami in style. Paris and Nicole style.

Day 5 in Florida

2007-03-25T22:12:00.000-05:00

From the minute Joseph learned that I was in town, he booked a ticket to Florida for us. He's on leave for two weeks so we're spending a week here in Florida.

Anyway, it's one legitimate vacation that I'm guilty of having. We mostly lounge the whole day, watch TV, drive around and shop in malls. They have a great outlet mall which has Banana Rep and Gap. Our blood was like laced with E when we saw the discounts. Haha. I need some clothes because I didn't bring that much. I was hoping I get lucky with the Scramble and then I'll fly out after three weeks. Well, it looks like I'm staying for a while.

I met most of Joseph's family. Well, I met the rest since I got to know them when we first got in the US. They are one heck of a family. His mom is already here, so that's an extra. She was cooking us homecooked Filipino meals the whole time. Gosh, the sinigang was so good. Even the adobo I kinda miss. Two weeks in the US...hmmm...I guess I don't have that much of an excuse.

Its hard not to think of my career when on vacation, so I keep on thinking of the ways I can get back to my feet, my strategies for the coming weeks and my battle plan for the next month. I am contemplating about taking another test (but the $600 fee keeps stinging me on the ass), applying for research and clinical observership (but the living costs also is something to consider) or going back to the Philippines. The last option remains an option this time.
Anyway, I have to days to go here in FL until I face the music in New York. Good to hear that spring weather has finally came. I hope I get the motivation to jog since 515 59th Ave is just two blocks from central park. I miss Fitness First though. But for now, I have to make this work.

We're going to Disney tomorrow...woohoo! I'm excited. I'll be taking lots of pictures!!

Oilyness is next to povery. I'm impoverished anyway...so, bring it on, sebaceous glands!!

Weekend in New Jersey

2007-03-18T21:38:00.000-05:00

After a week of pure disappointment, I went to New Jersey to visit my friend back in Grade school. New Jersey isn't much of a place to go to but what the heck...I miss my friend and she's excited to introduce me to her new hubby.

So, I woke up a little late this morning because Joseph and I went drinking the night after. Last night was my first night out in New York. Nothing fantastic happened....we just went out and had some drinks in a bar in Chelsea, mostly catching up and having a good time. First time to check The Scene. I figured I didn't miss it THAT much.

Oh, backtrack before that. Jeffrey, Cindy, Alex and I went out to have dinner in Republic in Union Square. We then had a chocolate drink and fondue on the same street. After checking out the sale books in Strand, Jeff and I waited for Joseph to come while Cindy and Alex went home.

Anyway, that's news for everyone....I didn't miss the New York scene. I guess its part of growing up (getting older is definitely the operative word here...I refuse so), just like my diet: cutting down on soda and rice...because my love handles aren't handles anymore. They're starting to be love blobs now. So, I'm ditchin' the carbs. Everybody needs to grow up. But I'm not liking every second of it.

So, yeah...today I went to New Jersey. The damnest place in the world. Even St. Loius has character and Novaliches, too. (Yeah, its that bad.) We went to eat at Minado--enough reason to go to Jersey because the one in 34th street closed down already--and pigged out on Japanese food. But, I hate the fact that my sweater smells like teriyaki after. My friend Astaire was in the hosting mode. We went to West New York, Jersey Garden Mall and Liberty State Park. Our little excursion was good if it wasn't 26 fuckin' degrees outside. Man, my fingers were frozen after a few minutes spent on open air. It was freezing. The wind was strong and it was hitting us with icy breeze all throughout the day. Well, in gist, the temp was getting to my nerves makes me feel giddy for supposedly fun travel photos, so instead, I have these lousy ones:

Then, I met my friends hubby. Ray = Nice bloke. He's a relationship guy and he looks good too. I'm happy they found each other. He talks a lot for someone straight but I guess that's a plus. Straight, but not boring. We heard mass, had dinner in this Mexican restaurant he was craving about (overrated but then, I guess I wasn't THAT interested with dinner...thanks to Minado) and then drove around New Jersey. What stick to my mind: Tom Cruise came from the same neighborhood as Ray's. Cool huh. They went to the same high school: Glenridge. But not the same year. Well, I dunno why do I have to spit that trivia out.

It's Monday tom. I have to go back to work. Well, not work work. But work for work. I bet you know what I mean.

One Day More

2007-03-12T16:32:00.000-05:00

In less than 24 hours, my fate will be decided. God's will be done. It will be His voice if He really wants me to stay here or to go back to our country and do what is needed to be done. Tomorrow, the NRMP website will open for the Scramble. To tell you honestly, the rest of my guns are not yet in place. I have to yet acquire a fax machine and print hard copies of my files. I need a person and another phone line. I'll be trying to fix these in the next hour after doing this blog entry. So far, I told my contacts that I will be "scrambling" for a residency position tomorrow. And tomorrow it shall be done.

Shucks, I feel excited, scared and elated. I finally have answers after lulling in career limbo for sometime. It was fun, though, I really had a good one. Last year was fun too. I did not make any money but I traveled a lot and met someone special. Now, it will be a different ballgame. Career and finances are on the frontline. It will be interesting, I bet and it will commence in another decade of my life.

I'm turning thirty in two months. I had some resolutions in mind that I plan to pursue:
1. Establish a bank account. Be firm with decisions about money and follow the new mantra for the decade: Save, save, save. But then, I do not plan to deprive myself. I just plan to save at least a certain amount a month just to keep up with a good AND working bank account.

2. Read a hundred books before 40. Any material of fiction, business, medicine...about anything will do. It will be another bank for me to keep. A bank of knowledge until I have the courage and inspiration to conjure up a book. Ten books in a year? I think I can do better than that though. Ok, I'm moving it up to 300 by the time I reach 40.

3. Keep my waistline down to a 29. Actually, I adjusted my eating habits. No soda and less rice. I try to exercise everyday and keep away from alcohol. Smoking is another story...it will take a while before I kick it out of my system. But, yes, I am trying.

With respect to a fellow blogger, I would like to share his blog to rest of the world. The blog http://coconuter.blogspot.com puts this one to shame. Monster's ink seems like a blond cheerleader blog compared to this one and I think, every Filipino should read this one. I picked out this blog from a forum and I've been hooked ever since. I thought, at first, that it was just a picture/travel blog from a handsome, young Filipino but when I watched his interview with ABS CBN and read the articles in the site, I was definitely moved. And the guy has a character. And a great intellect to boot. I am proud that he is Filipino. Actually, reading his blog makes me think my life all over again. Why do I really want? Why do I have to keep pushing myself to train and work in the US? Will everything that I seek for would make me happy?

In a recent movie from Will Smith called The Pursuit of Happyness, the main character ponders on a line from the Declaration of Independence. It goes "...blah,blah for justice, equality and the pursuit of happiness". He continues to ask how their forefathers know that happiness is something you pursue. And happiness can never be realized but something that is only pursued. True. I think this proves that Maslow's hierarchy of needs is true. Human nature aspires for the top and being on top in not enough for there are heights unconceivably far and we, as dreamers, still want to soar to those heights.

Its good to be back in NYC. Jeff lives two blocks behind the Time Warner building (shown below) where I use their Borders store as my own private library

At the end of the day I am....

2007-01-27T22:51:00.000-05:00

Alone. Now, I find myself again alone. I never got used to being alone and now it sinks in more than ever.

It was fun when it lasted. It was satisfying and filling like a big Sunday brunch. And all I wanted, after consuming all of it, was to bask under the not-so-hot afternoon sun, drinking lemonade and smile the whole damn time. I never wanted anything or anyone--for that matter--anymore.

They said it was doomed from the start. Like two pieces of a puzzle that will never fit. They hugged me for my mistake. But I would like to tell them, honestly, you are wrong. It wasn't a mistake. I took all my judgements aside, and had to trust everything to love.

Sometimes love just ain't enough. Maybe that was it. Yes, the song. Hence, at the end of the day, still, I am alone.

A New Hope

2007-01-27T22:43:00.000-05:00

Yes, after several months of waiting...but I dont want to preempt anything first. I will tell (and rejoice) if I have it in my hands and when I set foot into their soil.

For the time being, I see hope. I see spring. And everything in me that was dead all this months are beginning to wake up again.

And I hope this time it works.

So I wore the suit...

2007-01-22T22:25:00.000-05:00

The haircut wasn't so bad after all, but my plans are still foiled. I turned up to look like everyone else. That's my fellow MDs right there. Claud's wedding was nice but LOOONG. We left the party at around 11pm cause I have to do some crooning.

I did well. That's what they said.

My hair....gone

2007-01-18T12:04:00.001-05:00

Most of the time, I'm choosy with my hair stylist. I always go to Bench Fix in ABS to have my haircut done by Cesar, my trusted stylist. It has been a while since my last haircut; it was around 3 months ago. So I tried to grow it to a fine mess of hair. I figured that no one, except my mom, is fascinated by the old-style-pompadour hairdo of mine. So I grew it long...no combing...well, I shampoo everyday, duh...but I hate the doctor/schoolboy well-combed look. A friend gave me a bottle of Kerastase shampoo for Christmas (I really love it. I really do. thanks suki!)which made my hair from wow to OHMYGOD...FABULOUS. Well, that's at least what I think.

Later this afternoon, while strolling along and cruising the shops of Gateway, I suddenly had the urge to have a haircut. I thought: "Just to tame my wild frocks. I'm attending a wedding on Saturday anyway." I went to this Menage salon, which I thought was a classy name, and had my haircut done. I told the hairstylist what I want: I want it styled but not too short, I'm going to a wedding this saturday so I want it tame but I still want the length. It's a challenge I must say but doable. Agree?

Maybe what I said shortcircuited his tiny ultraminiscule neurons and the next thing that he did is he started to snip the hairs covering my ears. OHMYFREAKINGLORD!! That's the last thing I wanted. Then he started to cut an inch from my crown, tore off all the hair that was hanging splendidly on my forehead and snipped all the curled edges of my frame. Good thing he didn't shave the sides or else I'll grab the clipper and make a reverse Mr.T-do on him!! During the onslaught, I sat down nervously, grieving inside and crossing my fingers that somehow, the end will justify the means....

But no! There is no justification. I ended up looking like my mom. I was planning to go to Claud's wedding in a tossed up hairdo and an after-five shadow dressed in my tailored pinstripe suit. It will be a standout amidst the well-groomed looks of my fellow doctors. But all those plans are foiled. Now, I'm considering to wear a barong. What a sob! I feel like eating a gallon of ice cream and drinking a keg of beer. Vanity kicks you in the ass sometimes. And damn it, most of the time, it hurts like hell.

I'm Sick

2007-01-13T05:18:00.000-05:00

Medically. Sick. Not sick-sicko person. But sick like viral sick. And I hate it. I have plans this evening but all will be put aside in order to get a long and restful sleep. I have work tomorrow. Yeah, I hate working on weekends. Working while everybody is resting/having fun. It just kills me.

Five days ago, my iPod hanged up. All of a sudden, it just refused to boot. Well, I got it filled up to the brim with audio, TV shows and music videos. I guess everything gets a little tired when pushed to the limit. Everything. Including electronic devices. So, I have to rebuild my entire library starting from the new ones I just acquired online. I haven't started to load up my CD collection but I already filled up half of my 30 GB iPod. I guess I have to learn how to delete songs I really don't give a shit about. Songs that I can live without.

Songs that can't be deleted from my iPod:
Irreplaceable (Beyonce) - brings back fun memories of trips to Baguio and Tali Beach
All I've Got (17:28) - makes me fall in love over and over again
Buttons (Pussycat Dolls) - makes my heart trip. Electrifying.
Wicked The Musical Album - I still want to fly and defy gravity. With or without the broom.

So there. I'm still sick. Five days and counting, I'm still rebuilding my iPod library. Thats how I live my days recently.

SO WHAT'S UP DOC?

2007-01-11T20:58:00.000-05:00

So where I am right now? That's the question. This is about me and finding my niche. Have I found it yet? The answer right now is not yet; and that means I am still working on it. Yeah, working but not very hard. This year I promise to be better.

I have several resolutions this year. (Yuck, here we go again. Resolutions that never EVER did happen). Well, I could at least try.:

1. Keep in shape. I'll work hard, maintain on a diet and limit the vices I have acquired in life that I dont regret and I still LOVE doing. Oh shit. Oh shit. Can I really quit? Lets go for it. (I'm taking to my multiple personalities. The thought of it makes me really crazy)

2. Plan my career and stick to the plan. I'm in the middle of applications and I'm doing a really lousy job. Hope this writing jumpstarts my formal writing skills. I hope so.

3. Save money. I don't know how to do this but I just have to put it here. There's not much to save anyway. I'm planning my last frivolous purchase: An Ericsson K800i phone. The battery for my camera got lost/stolen and I'm ditching my old Kodak camera. I want to buy this instead. It would be nice to have pictures in my blog, right? I also want to keep track with my progress in the gym with it.

Well, I better start ticking those To Do boxes now...

2007-01-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

So, whats with my new header? Nothing. I just like the pure nonsense of it. I took it out from this series called Heroes. It kept me busy last year...watching episode per episode every week on the net. And I'm definitely, ABSOLUTELY hooked.

Basically, its about a bunch of people realizing that they have this powers in them. They're ordinary people albeit superheroes sans the shimmery tights and the undies-after-leggings fashion booboos. Although they wear tight fitting clothes. Then, as always there are bad guys and an ultimate vision of the future that the world will be blown to smithereens (This happens in New York City, which according to Jonathan Larson in Rent, the center of the universe). Saving the cheerleader will save the world. Cool, huh? My favorite character: HIRO! He bends space and time. Dreamed of doing that since I was a geek kid. You know, you want to go back to the time before the exam so you can answer the last 2 exam questions you missed. So you can have a perfect score. But guess what--m beyond school and grades and exams right now. But I still want to bend time and space just as well.

A New Year

2007-01-06T23:52:00.000-05:00

I was too busy this year to write. I hope this new year will usher me back to writing.
Happy new year everyone!

China Memories

2006-08-25T01:57:00.000-05:00

Its been three weeks since we got back from China, but I still got a HIGH from the experience! It was very successful, we had lots of fun. Athough Chinese food in China is so disappointing. But that's a minor glitch I have to live with. Otherwise, the whole experience is really great. Read on...

WE WON 2 SILVERS and 3 GOLD DIPLOMAS!! We weren't hoping to get a silver medal in 2 categories at all. We were good...well, er...I suppose...well, I guess were good. We were happy with our performances in the qualifying and olympic round. But of course, it wasn't PERFECT-perfect, you know. We had an occasional flat note here and there. But we were hoping that the fast tempo of the piece "I Cannot Dance, O Lord" by Kernis was enough to stun the judges. Silver is good. If we got a gold one, I think the jury is deaf. If we were the champion in that category, I say that they are all retarded. Mentally and audally. So, silver is good.

WE MET OTHER CHOIRS. Most notable are the Kamer Choir from Latvia, Bartok Male Choir from Hungary and the choir from the Medical University of Gdansk. The latter sang us Venikhi in the fastest way possible. I was wowed. Tongue action extreme. Well, we met other pinoy choirs and it was a nice feeling to wave the Philippine Flag with them during the awarding ceremonies. No Filipino choir went unnoticed. Everyone won a medal and diploma.

LOST IN TRANSLATION moment. Exploring the island was great. Gulangyu island is like a big Amazing Race trail. I usually get off on my own. I like that. Exploring places by myself and talking to people who doesn't understand a thing from what I am saying. I feel like Scarlett Johansen. Really.

SHOPPING. Bought cheap speakers for my iPod, some souvenirs and of course, clothes. They have great discounts! Too bad we had only a day for shopping. And the Chinese think I'm handsome! Wow. I could be a movie star in the place, wallow myself in millions of yen so I can buy cheap electronics and tads of clothes. Salespersons often tell me: "You are very handsome." Instant answer: "Thank you! Can you give me discount?" Well, it might be some marketing ploy....but I can be wrong. Maybe Chinese people are honest.

Shopping high. Singing high. Traveling high. Sounds like a Rexona commercial. Lousy writing for a lousy day. I hope everyone is doing well!

Back into the Blogosphere

2006-07-20T12:59:00.000-05:00

Hmmm...nice to smell that air again. Well, kids, the monster is back!! It's been two months since I dumped blogging in my list of hobbies. But since some people are asking me to update Monster's Ink, I decided to make this entry today. Yeah, I exist to please.

In a few hours, I'll be leaving for China. Our choral group, The UP MedChoir will be competing against other choirs from different countries in the Mixed Chamber and Musica Sacra categories. They hooked me up again for this one because they are in need of basses. I agreed to do it cause it will be a nice opportunity for travel and I want to experience how it feels like to take part in an international choral competition. That's why I am having this sort of adrenaline rush right now and I need a vent to unleash this energy.

In all intents and purposes, guys, I hope we'll win. And we have a big chance. The Euroeans love Philippine Choirs (we sing with our hearts) and we brought along tough pieces that I'm sure will wow the audience. Don't worry, I'll spill in the next few days.

I'm gonna miss a lot of people when I leave. But hell, its just one week. I'll try to make some serious shopping and intense bargaining to conceal the loneliness. Haha. What an excuse! Well, I trained my credit card to sit still, roll over and not to bark on the merchandise. Hopefully, it will remain to be obedient. Mantra for the week: Credit cards are like dogs, they should be on a tight leash. (THAT is PURELY mine. I made that up myself. Copyright protected. Pendong. Kalas. No erase.)

UPDATES in MY LIFE (that doesn't really matter to anyone):
1. Backlog books: 30. I'm getting tired of reading Coehlo. 11 Minutes was nice but the rest of his books are so-so. Millie just gave me Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, so, that makes it 31.

2. Songs in iPod: 4465. I just added Bituing Walang Ningning. Original version. Sharon Cuneta and the 80s-inspired-twangy orchestration. I was surprised it was in the net. Now I can slap anyone and scream "Copycat!".

3. Most recent movie: Superman. I just saw High School Musical on DVD. I swear, the lead actor is gay. He knows how to sing, dance, play basketball, act...pretty much everything. Well, that is gay.

Go MedChoir!!

Leaving Unattached

2006-05-02T21:11:00.000-05:00

Galera was such a hell hole last weekend. Busloads of tourists flocked to the white beach for the long weekend.

We arrived at the Batangas City pier at around 8:30 am. That was our reward following a successful elbow match with fellow passengers in the Kamuning bus terminal. But no! The next available boat was at 11am. So, we have to stay in the terminal for two hours. Phew! We end up staring at our beat up feet and throwing jokes while sipping lukewarm coke. Well, it ended up well, since we have to wait for Rupert until the very LAST second. I already gave up on him: it was almost boarding time but he's still a kilometer away caught in traffic. Then, I almost made my first step on the wooden plank when he called me up and joyfully declared "We're here". Some things never change. Rupert never made it early, I swear. I skipped the sermon that day; its his birthday after all and that is the reason why we were going to Galera. So Rupert and June joined us: Richard, Chuck, Momon, Jofer and me. The Fellowship was complete.

Finding a place was pure anguish as well. We ended up in an Undone Concrete house which is pretty cozy in the rural sense. Before that, we were offered Rickety Shanty and Mug-Me Please No-Lock House. I immediately said no. Undone Concrete House is better...my baby will be safe from lurking bandits. Undone Concrete House is the typical house I always see in the province: linoleum floors, poor paint job but very airy and spacious. Thank God it has running water. Despite its imperfections, we liked it. Undone Concrete House rules!! We settled in at 4pm. I'm glad that we had a good lunch before we go a-house hunting. Everyone's spirits and tempers were still in check.

We went at around 7pm to have dinner. What followed, of course, is our usual galera agenda: two rounds of Mindoro sling (the signature drink of the beach), dancing on the floor, drink some more, rest on the beach with or without puking, laying on the sand. At 2 am we called it a successful night out. I was drunk. And happy.

The next day we had a nice, long brunch. We went out of the Undone Concrete House at around 10am and stayed at Lenly's for several house while we wait for our banca. We transferred to another bar when the waitresses started giving us an evil eye. We already ordered everything that interests us in the menu (the Rossti was marvelous!) but we kept our table because we don't want to get fried by the afternoon sun. I got a henna tattoo on my right deltoid while Momon got one on his hand. It was my first time to get one. I had a patient who had a severe hypersensitivity to henna which really got inflamed when I saw her. I have skin asthma so, I was trying to avoid henna for the longest time. Well, I got it anyway and I'm still smiling right now. Astig, man.
We got home at 12mn. The boat John Clea was 2 hours delayed! If he were alive that night, he could have choked on his dinner. Our curses traveled with the waves and to his stinking neck.

Best thing I got when I got back from galera is this shot and finally, attached.

My new baby

2006-04-17T12:54:00.000-05:00

SWEET. I just got a new iPod last month. Thanks to my good friend who just came back from the states. I got the newest one, the one pictured on the left, the G5 iPod -- ultimo gwapito!! He's such a baby. Can't live without him.

I need scourging: I told myself not to sell my soul to Bill Gates and to the rest of the iPod devotees, but here I am, sporting white earphones with sand on my feet. (Yes, I'm still in Boracay). I was pretty happy with my boo (my Creative Zen XT), but it had a major hard disk problem (and fried all my USB ports in the process) and I had to send it to the states for repairs. It got well and was discharged after, with a $25 hospital bill, but my friend sent it via regular mail to the Philippines. FYI, that's no-no in the realm of postal service. So far, my friend mailed it last December and up to this date, I still think it lies between customs limbo and hands of its second hand owner. Shiiit, man. I used to ADORE that brick of metal .

After three days of agony, I finally succumbed in getting an iPod. After nights of thinking it would mean endless spending on add-ons, accessories and the oh-so-fantabulous Altec Lansing speakers that I have been drooling for the longest time. At the end, I still chose an iPod over the newest one from Creative. I dunno if its the dumbest idea ever.

At first it was an utter disappointment: the LCD is eating up the battery (only 4 hours usage with the LCD on), I can't play videos (m still figuring how this thing can play Cross Country and Arabesque) and I can't bookmark my KAPLAN lecture mp3s. Dang. But then, I tried to bring it down to the essential: play my music. As long as it can store 30 CDs of Broadway and 27 CDs of choral albums, I am happy. I recently found out that setting the LCD timer to 2 seconds extends the battery life. Now, I am content with it.

The Zen was a great jukebox, I can say. I remember having it in a wine and cheese party with the oldies in New York. I jacked it up in the TV, set my playlist to groove tunes and in two snaps away, we were drunk, singing I Want It That Way in our most grandiose bravado.

I am looking forward to those moments with this one. Hopefully, I can soon adjust to its shortcomings and nurture a long and lasting relationship with it.

Same goes to my REAL baby, which is entirely a different story.

Blogghoppin'

2006-03-19T11:01:00.000-05:00

I was blog hopping today. Just to pass the time and to take my mind off more important things. I was looking at other doctor's blogs. Most of them has interesting things to say about their patients/cases/rounds. But I find it uninteresting at all. Well, I think there's more to write in this world than my professional life. Ha! I don't have a professional life in the first place. I'm back to being a bum again and in career limbo. Just great. Seems to you, my dear reader, that this man has major issues in life. You are definitely RIGHT.

Well, there are some blogs which questions LOVE and other intangible nouns that I don't feel like discussing in my own blog. I do want to sound very Milan Kundera-ish and just want this to be a straight-forward, bullshit-free write-up.

Going through a fellow MD's blog led me to another MD blog. I stalked him through friendster and saw that he had been travelling in Europe, learned 3 languages and wants to serve the barrios before going to WHO...thats simply great. Sorry, I don't want to be caught stalking so I'm not posting the link to his friendster page here. But from the looks of it, we both share the same passion on things: travelling and serving the community. Hmm...I wish I could know him. I admire people who has guts and unwary of their future. It turned up great for him. I wish I could do the same.

It's Been A While Since My Last Post 2

2006-03-15T06:54:00.000-05:00

In line with upcoming sequels of movies, I decided to name this entry such. Kudos to Pirates of the Carribean 2, Final Destination 3, X-men 3 and yes, Spiderman 3 which will be due on 2007.

Bora duty was great. I had a lot of interesting cases. Census: we had 3 TIAs (is it a fad nowadays?-how come everybody is getting a minor stroke?), a difficult (read: stubborn) patient who underwent fasciotomy and later on flown to Angeles for a 2nd debridement, and we had a dose of interesting cases as well: one case of Henoch-Schonlein purpura and a case of hydatidiform mole. Don't ask me "What the hell is that?". I bet there's a Google or Yahoo search bar on your browser. Copy, hit enter and read away. (Sorry I'm too lazy to discuss anything.)

I'm undergoing a major career venture as this moment. Yes, I'm doing the scramble. It will be another half hour before I get really fired up for this process. I have to contact programs in the states and ask if they have available slots. If they like me and my credentials...hopefully, they will hire me. Obviously, its not an easy job. I was up until 5am yesterday. Hoping that someone will respond to my applications...so far, nada. Nevertheless, I'm not really discouraged....it's actually exciting. Well, it doesn't matter for me if I get a program or not. Well, it would be really NICE to get into one and doubly nice if I get into pediatrics. But, I know where I stand. I'm like a bystander trying to walk into the red carpet on an Oscar night...

But who knows? Its worth the try. Even if it means grabbing the producers of Crash by the hair for running off with the Best Picture Oscar. I abhor that moment. (I bet you get the picture)

Still, I have several career options up my sleeve. It's a matter of choosing the best to fit my lifestyle,...well, yes, my lifestyle and...er, I guess that's it. I was prepared to shun my party lifestyle and work like Hercules and his Seven Labors in the States, and now that fate isn't on my side, better yet to do what I want to do. I guess that's fair.

It isn't exactly PARTY lifestyle. That means sex, drugs and alcohol. No, I never do drugs.

Wish me all the friggin' luck, if you may.

It's been a while since my last post

2006-01-29T10:32:00.000-05:00

After a vacation in Boracay, I immersed myself with work this month. Duty-off-duty-off-duty-duty-off had been the tempo of my weeks and its corresponding variations. I was blessed with a lot of opportunities this month and I didn't hesitate to grab it. But I need to work more. Oh, by the way...

KUNG HEI FAT CHOI!

I met a Chinese friend two weeks back and he's giving me feng shui advice ever since. If you give feng shui advice two years ago, I could've shrugged my shoulders in your face and walk off. But, after being devoid of luck during the past year, I am open to anything right now--any advice that would make my life and my career a step better than what it is today.

So I followed most of his advice. I changed my sheets, pillow covers yesterday. I bought new set of pantulog clothes: sandos, boxers--the works. He also gave me a flowerhorn fish which is supposedly lucky. (Which reminds me, I have to clean the aquarium and transfer the goldfishes to another tank). Then, I had Annie, my co-duty last thursday, cut a short lock of hair from the back--which also meant getting rid of my bad luck in the past year. Honestly, I was getting obsessed with the whole thing. Here's more...

I was born in the Year of the Snake. So far, what they say about snake people is that they are short tempered, sly and moody. They are also deep thinkers and intellectual. Pretty much true. It's a good year for snake people and that's what's really important. So, rejoice fellow serpents! May Slytherin be with us.
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Did you watch the Australian Open finals?? Gosh, it was so AMAZING! The match between Federer and Baghdatis is one heck of a game! Baghdatis came literally from nowhere (well, he's from Cyprus), but he can sure kick ass!! Too bad I missed the last half. I had to go to church. I was hoping I could catch a replay tonight on Star World. No luck. Catch it if you can...I tell you the first two sets are the best. Read my friend's write-up about it here.

That's his picture right there. This was taken when he beat Roddick in the semi finals. Can you believe the guy is just TWENTY years old? And he has too much hair in that 6'0 frame. Not one of his best pictures, either. Looks like he wants a banana....

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Honestly, I am not entirely in the writing mood during the past two weeks. I was hoping I could submit a few articles for a writing job but I had to put it to a rest. All the stress from being a doctor is killing the artist in me. Ha ha. Too much drama in that statement. As I was saying, It has been an intense month. Fortunately, I'll be off to Boracay for a set of duties next week. I'll be back on the 13th. For now, sayonara.

Happy New Year

2006-01-06T11:09:00.000-05:00

I hate resolutions. Those are meant to be broken. Well, just for the heck of it, here are my resolutions for 2006:

1. Try to stay "healthy". Well, that means I'll be going back to the gym again. I went to Bora with friends right? I hated my pictures. Kadiri. I was super payat. I haven't been eating much kasi and I was avoiding rice the whole time. I think I should increase my caloric intake.

2. Spend less time in front of the computer. Well, the reason for this one is connected to my "stay healthy" slogan for this year. Spend less time sitting down and use my free time to be active again.

3. Save up. I never learned how to save my money. I am not a big spender on anything but I do eat a lot, thats where all my money goes down. Not to mention the beauty products, spa treatments and other recreational items I purchase because I feel "stressed". But wait, it IS a stressful job after all!! It's just the anti-stress-or doesn't come free NOR cheap. Hmmm...it's never too late to learn a new skill. I will do that.

4. Quit smoking. That wretched habit. When I took a survey amongst my friends about the single most redundant resolution they have promised, sweared to for years but never did make it was to quit cold turkey. Hard to kick, I agree. But some of my friends did it. Well, there's just ONE friend that I can think of who quit cold turkey from 2 packs a day to zero. ZEEROW. He's a lawyer and I guess he has the same dose of stress as I do. I will TRY to do the same.

Drop me a line to support me in my anti-smoke campaign for myself. You will be my inspiration. Just click on comments right there on your right and fire away.

Post christmas in Bora

2006-01-01T21:07:00.000-05:00

Bora was a blast!! I was star struck all the time. Models everywhere. We pigged out in every meal we had and we drank till morning. Actually, everyone was surprised that I went to Bora again. My friend S told me, "Considering how many time you've been there this year, why dont you consider moving there?" WHY NOT? What a great thought. But, what will I do there? I can't practice there. Nah. No can do. Sayang, I coud've gone there while studying for my MLEs. Haay.

Went to Bora with my high school barkada. Annie was hilarious the whole time. Michelle finally had the guts to wear a bikini and wowed us by standing on her toes after drinking 15 shots. Deng got cranky than ever. Reia enjoyed boy watching the whole time. Rus, meanwhile, got a date and got lucky two nights in a row.

I, on the other hand, had the best time in Mandala Spa . It was relaxing and rejuvinating at the same time. Now, I feel I have the energy to work again and to do stuff head on. On the contrary, I wasn't lucky during the three nights. Not that I was looking for it, all kaplastikan aside, but it's a nice christmas bonus. I met a pair of straight guys in the boat and I was hanging out with them the whole time. I had a great conversation with some new Austrian friends. I got to play frisbee pa in the sand with my New Found Friends. Anyway, the NFF are not a couple....C went to Bora to meet his girlfriend, while he tagged M along. Both were interesting, I must say and I had fun tagging along too.

Reia gave me a pair of Rip Curl slippers for Xmas and I LOVE it to pieces!! Woohoo!! So far, best gift I had this season. Thanks Reia!! Love you to bits.