Have you ever...?

Have you ever had a friend who brought a great change in your life? Some trivial sleight of hand that he never thought would change your everyday life? Let me cite an example. I have a close friend who gives her best to everything. Academics, creative stuff, sports...and even in covering books. We share the same passion for books and with it, the strange notion that covering it with plastic will extend its supposed lifespan. I cover my books alright...haphazardly that is. Well, this friend has the habit of getting my books from me to cover it in a rather more decent way: neatly trimmed flaps, taping it ON the plastic and not ON the cover and keeping the plastic nice and taut over the front and back covers. Pretty much an obsessive-compulsive thing to do...but that's how she is. I tell you: IT HAUNTS ME. Now, everytime I cover my new books, all I can think of is her. (Yes, you read it right -- she.) And I quote from the musical WICKED: Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good. Pretty sentimental, huh? Well, just a random thought.

Have you ever found paradise? I mean a place that you can say This is MY f**king paradise and I don't care if yours is better. A place that you can go to, even inside your mind, whenever you want to drone out the commotion of real life. A place where you could have your very own peace and quiet and at the same time allows you to think and conteplate your own thoughts. It is a place where you can defy the contradictions of your ideals and still say, "Life is still beautiful". It will sound cliche, but yes, I did find it in Boracay. And anytime I am lost with the rigors of the world, I just close my eyes and imagine being there. They say if you found your paradise, you can never be lost. I think its true.

Have you ever been considerably happy? A point in your stay on earth that you could say you had a no-bull, truly and genuinely happy moment in time. This will sound a little mushy, but, I was happy when I was singing. It was a time when I look forward to every choir practice after school, to every gig in some dinghy hotel and to every concert we staged. It took off the stress I painfully acquired from my chosen profession. It dulls the unsolicited reproach of my sexuality. It gave me the license to be free. Do I want to do it for the rest of my life? I want to, but I can't. Because behind that, there's a looming sign that says REAL LIFE glaring at my face. It sucks to be a grown-up.

Have you ever thought if you could go on with the rest of your life alone? I got this from the movie Shall We Dance? (I am now convinced that Jennifer Lopez is a really terrible actress):

People get married because they want someone to be a witness to their lives. There are a billion souls in this planet and your life is just one, one in the whole damn universe. But if you have someone in your life, you have a witness of how you spent all those years.

Painfully true, I reckon. Being someone without any experience about relationships and in THIS "side of the boat", its a little, rather, taunting fact for me. I don't want to be tipped over the edge and be lost in the murky water of unattached souls. I need a witness. And a steady hand to keep me from reeling over.

Random thoughts in this side of the world.