At the end of the day I am....

Alone. Now, I find myself again alone. I never got used to being alone and now it sinks in more than ever.

It was fun when it lasted. It was satisfying and filling like a big Sunday brunch. And all I wanted, after consuming all of it, was to bask under the not-so-hot afternoon sun, drinking lemonade and smile the whole damn time. I never wanted anything or anyone--for that matter--anymore.

They said it was doomed from the start. Like two pieces of a puzzle that will never fit. They hugged me for my mistake. But I would like to tell them, honestly, you are wrong. It wasn't a mistake. I took all my judgements aside, and had to trust everything to love.

Sometimes love just ain't enough. Maybe that was it. Yes, the song. Hence, at the end of the day, still, I am alone.

A New Hope

Yes, after several months of waiting...but I dont want to preempt anything first. I will tell (and rejoice) if I have it in my hands and when I set foot into their soil.

For the time being, I see hope. I see spring. And everything in me that was dead all this months are beginning to wake up again.

And I hope this time it works.

So I wore the suit...

The haircut wasn't so bad after all, but my plans are still foiled. I turned up to look like everyone else. That's my fellow MDs right there. Claud's wedding was nice but LOOONG. We left the party at around 11pm cause I have to do some crooning.

I did well. That's what they said.

My hair....gone

Most of the time, I'm choosy with my hair stylist. I always go to Bench Fix in ABS to have my haircut done by Cesar, my trusted stylist. It has been a while since my last haircut; it was around 3 months ago. So I tried to grow it to a fine mess of hair. I figured that no one, except my mom, is fascinated by the old-style-pompadour hairdo of mine. So I grew it long...no combing...well, I shampoo everyday, duh...but I hate the doctor/schoolboy well-combed look. A friend gave me a bottle of Kerastase shampoo for Christmas (I really love it. I really do. thanks suki!)which made my hair from wow to OHMYGOD...FABULOUS. Well, that's at least what I think.

Later this afternoon, while strolling along and cruising the shops of Gateway, I suddenly had the urge to have a haircut. I thought: "Just to tame my wild frocks. I'm attending a wedding on Saturday anyway." I went to this Menage salon, which I thought was a classy name, and had my haircut done. I told the hairstylist what I want: I want it styled but not too short, I'm going to a wedding this saturday so I want it tame but I still want the length. It's a challenge I must say but doable. Agree?

Maybe what I said shortcircuited his tiny ultraminiscule neurons and the next thing that he did is he started to snip the hairs covering my ears. OHMYFREAKINGLORD!! That's the last thing I wanted. Then he started to cut an inch from my crown, tore off all the hair that was hanging splendidly on my forehead and snipped all the curled edges of my frame. Good thing he didn't shave the sides or else I'll grab the clipper and make a reverse Mr.T-do on him!! During the onslaught, I sat down nervously, grieving inside and crossing my fingers that somehow, the end will justify the means....

But no! There is no justification. I ended up looking like my mom. I was planning to go to Claud's wedding in a tossed up hairdo and an after-five shadow dressed in my tailored pinstripe suit. It will be a standout amidst the well-groomed looks of my fellow doctors. But all those plans are foiled. Now, I'm considering to wear a barong. What a sob! I feel like eating a gallon of ice cream and drinking a keg of beer. Vanity kicks you in the ass sometimes. And damn it, most of the time, it hurts like hell.

I'm Sick

Medically. Sick. Not sick-sicko person. But sick like viral sick. And I hate it. I have plans this evening but all will be put aside in order to get a long and restful sleep. I have work tomorrow. Yeah, I hate working on weekends. Working while everybody is resting/having fun. It just kills me.

Five days ago, my iPod hanged up. All of a sudden, it just refused to boot. Well, I got it filled up to the brim with audio, TV shows and music videos. I guess everything gets a little tired when pushed to the limit. Everything. Including electronic devices. So, I have to rebuild my entire library starting from the new ones I just acquired online. I haven't started to load up my CD collection but I already filled up half of my 30 GB iPod. I guess I have to learn how to delete songs I really don't give a shit about. Songs that I can live without.

Songs that can't be deleted from my iPod:
Irreplaceable (Beyonce) - brings back fun memories of trips to Baguio and Tali Beach
All I've Got (17:28) - makes me fall in love over and over again
Buttons (Pussycat Dolls) - makes my heart trip. Electrifying.
Wicked The Musical Album - I still want to fly and defy gravity. With or without the broom.

So there. I'm still sick. Five days and counting, I'm still rebuilding my iPod library. Thats how I live my days recently.

SO WHAT'S UP DOC?

So where I am right now? That's the question. This is about me and finding my niche. Have I found it yet? The answer right now is not yet; and that means I am still working on it. Yeah, working but not very hard. This year I promise to be better.

I have several resolutions this year. (Yuck, here we go again. Resolutions that never EVER did happen). Well, I could at least try.:

1. Keep in shape. I'll work hard, maintain on a diet and limit the vices I have acquired in life that I dont regret and I still LOVE doing. Oh shit. Oh shit. Can I really quit? Lets go for it. (I'm taking to my multiple personalities. The thought of it makes me really crazy)

2. Plan my career and stick to the plan. I'm in the middle of applications and I'm doing a really lousy job. Hope this writing jumpstarts my formal writing skills. I hope so.

3. Save money. I don't know how to do this but I just have to put it here. There's not much to save anyway. I'm planning my last frivolous purchase: An Ericsson K800i phone. The battery for my camera got lost/stolen and I'm ditching my old Kodak camera. I want to buy this instead. It would be nice to have pictures in my blog, right? I also want to keep track with my progress in the gym with it.

Well, I better start ticking those To Do boxes now...

So, whats with my new header? Nothing. I just like the pure nonsense of it. I took it out from this series called Heroes. It kept me busy last year...watching episode per episode every week on the net. And I'm definitely, ABSOLUTELY hooked.

Basically, its about a bunch of people realizing that they have this powers in them. They're ordinary people albeit superheroes sans the shimmery tights and the undies-after-leggings fashion booboos. Although they wear tight fitting clothes. Then, as always there are bad guys and an ultimate vision of the future that the world will be blown to smithereens (This happens in New York City, which according to Jonathan Larson in Rent, the center of the universe). Saving the cheerleader will save the world. Cool, huh? My favorite character: HIRO! He bends space and time. Dreamed of doing that since I was a geek kid. You know, you want to go back to the time before the exam so you can answer the last 2 exam questions you missed. So you can have a perfect score. But guess what--m beyond school and grades and exams right now. But I still want to bend time and space just as well.

A New Year

I was too busy this year to write. I hope this new year will usher me back to writing.
Happy new year everyone!