I'm off to Boracay...again!

I'll soon be leaving for boracay for a 10-day stint of playing God. Haha. That's not the best way to put it but I guess that's the CLOSEST way. Meanwhile, I have to do a lot of stuff before I leave. I'm done with the online part already and the rest I have to do is to go to the bank and pay for my visa application.

SHOOT...I hate that part. You could've guessed by now that I'm not giving up. Everyone in my family wants me to do it again. In my part, I guess its the best way to earn my investment. Now, I understand why people don't want to go to medical school.

December is a hodge-podge of events for me. A couple of friends are coming over for Christmas. My aunt is also arriving from California for 10 days. That, will definitely fill up my date book. We have three weddings to attend and two of those will need to be arranged. Jeff and Pia will be coming home for Christmas, too. I guess that will be a LOT of psychotherapy for me. I wanted to talk to Pia about everything that has happened to me. I know a psychiatrist will be most helpful. Ha ha.

Finally, I completed my list of application at ERAS. All I have to do is to cross my fingers for interview invitation. I should cross even my toes for that wretched caonsul interview for a visa. I don't want my $625 go to waste!! Dang, I was in the mood to study for that exam pa naman. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Well, let me handle it one thing at a time...

Reinventing myself

I woke up this morning and I realize I have to pick up my life. It's been two weeks now when I decided to stop moving. I have to do something, make decisions and return back to a functional existence. This past week was a blur of badminton games, thai massages, gym work-out and karaoke parties. I was drowning all my memories of the past week, the money I lost and the events I missed. Mark called me yesterday and it was a refreshing conversation, so to speak. I was planning to talk to someone in the medical community for the longest time, but I am still avoiding the tedious task of relating my sad story for the 100th time.

Oh well...

DANG! I woke up at 11 in the morning again today and it's really a shame to find yourself in dreamland while the rest of the world is scurrying in their everyday lives. It seems that I don't have a life at all. Well, this became my life: blogging. It's therapeutic, in the very sense of the world. Clears up my mind and set me up for the things I have to do today. I just hope I accomplish something.

I guess the best thing for me to do right now is to reinvent myself. Set up new paths, do what I am set out to do and explore all options I have for this wretched career. Now, I understand why Americans hate medical school. It's not for the lazy. I, on the other hand, borders on being lazy and industrious, can hop on either side, depending what suits me. Right now, obviously, I am in the lazy bitch part.

Actually, give me a laptop, an mp3 player and a gym membership and I'll be happy to work day in and day out. Too bad, my mp3 player broke and now, I am still in square one. No career and no music drains out the life in me. And yup, I have no flow. A lot to gripe for, I know and I am struggling to keep myself on my toes. I still have faith that something good will come my way, all I can do is wait and write about it for the meantime.

Meanwhile, dear reader, send me a happy thought to remind that all's not lost in this world.

Basking in Solitude

Guess what? I am still in Manila. It's been a week and a day since the tragic event. I'm not sure if I am allowed to post what happened here but I would better not.

Since then, I kept myself in the confines of my room. Blogging, writing emails, reading books, watching films. Living THE LIFE. I just don't want to face real life for the moment. Not yet. Now that I'm in career limbo, I can do what I want to do. Later, I'll be playing badminton with my newly stringed racket. I miss my baby. It has been 2 months and 5 games without him. I thought I would say goodbye to badminton for good, not to expect I'll be back on the court in 5 days.

For those concerned, no, I am not depressed. I don't feel remorseful at all. Although I have lots of things to look forward to on that last trip (like seeing Joseph and Jeff again), I still have a lot to thankful for. I can't wait till Christmas! And I am not giving up without a fight. I'll clear my name for all intents and purposes. I was never mean. I never broke the law. I am good to my patients. I've generated three lifetimes worth of karma by doing charity work. But I guess my cards does not believe in karma at all.

Finally, I finished One Hundred Years of Solitude. It took me a hundred moments to finish that one. I already started reading it 5 months ago but I have to put it down for a much lighter piece of literature. It isn't as tedious as Umberto Eco but it's not The Devil Wears Prada quality either. I like the way magical realism was used in the story. It wasn't as grandiose and sporadic as it was in Like Water For Chocolate. The subtlety and execution of a magical tale, told in a plain, almost real tone, makes it a wonderful piece of work. I certainly deserves the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Now, I have to break my solitude. I like the last line from the book: races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth. I completely agree.

Angels in America

I just watched Angels in America (the HBO movie). Depressing shit, man. The script is profound, although insightful. I just hate to hear the republican/democrat bullshit from them. I just don't give a damn about that. I could imagine the play. I would categorize it to the same trashbin where the play "Death in the Form of a Rose" should really be dumped in. I don't understand these playrights: they present life in its most abstract form. Telling a profound tale to the uninitiated. Most of the time I don't have a freaking clue of what they are talking about. I mean, dude, let's not complicate life. Just say what you want in simple terms, and can you please skip the glum? The film has a shroud of gloom all around it and a dab of sarcastic humor. Makes me regret the lost hours I spent in front of the TV.

The main point of this story is that a straight friend let me borrow this copy of Angels in America. He's the typical butch of a guy: athletic, plays basketball and tennis, hollers when drunk, etc. He's married to his wonderful wife and has a nice kid. Aww, ok...he's cute...which makes everything a big deal. Anyway, I am just so proud of him for finishing the movie. There are some homoerotic scenes and a lot of lip action in this one, not to mention EVERYTHING is too gay to be taken seriously. The plot, the characters, the dialogue seems to jot out from a pink brain with a feathered pen...and I never thought a straight man like him is willing to devote his time to this piece of junk. He didn't like it THAT much but hell, I can give him a standing ovation for such an achievement. No pun intended there.

Bottomline: I'm proud of my friends. Straight or otherwise. I'm glad I didn't have to make friends with assholes and imbeciles who think that the pride march is a sign of the apocalypse. I'm glad that they give me the emotional and moral support I always need (thanks to my luck). Better yet, I don't need to ask them for that. They just give it away and let me consume it right from their very hands.

I wanted to go to America to invest. Invest in a financially secure future through a secure, stable job. It hurts to realize that I'm a 28-year old doctor here in our country without a car (well, scrap it, i don't drive anyway), a bank account and a stable job. I wanted to go where the big bucks are but still I find myself in same spot. It drives me mad that every step in pursuing that "investment venture" leads to frustration and a battered ego.

But, as the Spamalot song goes: Always look at the bright side of life. I haven't succeeded in doing that investment yet, but I do have a lot of emotional investment going around here. Good investments. Instant reward. I have my friends.

I need no Angels in America, cause I've got it all here.