Here we go again

I always get a second shot on something. I dunno, maybe God put me on earth to give me a second chance in everything I do. Maybe to appreciate these things better and not to take everything for granted. Like when entering med school. Like when taking this residency match shit again. It's a good thing, yeah I agree, to be given a second chance/second shot in life, but man! I get dizzy with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.

I just filled up my application for the match. Hopefully, a good pediatrics program will hire me this time. Tough choice: Chicago or New York? I'm eyeing Chicago right now, but living in New York is one heck of a party! And besides, a lot of my classmates are in New York. But if I want to get serious with my chosen field, I could use the cozy, relaxed atmosphere of Chicago. I say I should get down to business this time.

In a month, I'll be leaving for LA. I'm planning to stay for 6 months but if I get a job before that, I'll definitely leave for the Philippines right away. It's expensive to live in the States! Especially when you're living under your parent's subsidy and a tourist visa to chain you down from getting a job. Well, here are 10 things I will definitely miss:

10. The pirated DVDs. Crucify, chain me or eat me alive...but,honey, I live for piracy. The third world's revenge. Thank God for limewire and torrentspy. Thank God for Quiapo. For approximately a buck a copy, how can you go wrong? Even pirated stuff in the States is expensive ($4, from the subway). And most of the time, I get better DVD bootleg copies here than anywhere else.

9. The fabulous street food. Every now and then, I get this weird cravings for street food: grilled isaw(pig intestines), grilled tenga (pig ears), fishballs and shawarma. Somehow, it gives me a weird high.

8. The movie theater . OK, I admit, I'm a film geek as well. I love going to the theater. And for 2 bucks a movie, you'll find me in the theater as much as 3x a week! 2 bucks for a large popcorn as well. During my last trip in the States, I only went to the theater thrice in 6 months. Can you imagine such deprivation?

7. My free CDs. Thanks to a friend who works for a distributing company, I get three or four promotional copy of recently released CDs. Makes my boo happy (see previous post -- my boo).

6. Free party invites. Perks of being a contributor/writer in an alternative lifestyle magazine published here in the Philippines.

7. Booksale. I can buy all the books I want from this little store and at super bargain prices!! Imagine I got a hardbound copy of How To Lose Friends and Alienate People for 50 pesos. It didn't sound like a great deal,huh? But, for me, it definely was! It was a great book. It's a memoir, FYI, not a Chicken-Soup-for-my-wretched-soul or something.

5. My supply of Reader's Digest. My mom's friend supplies me with back issues every third month. She actually works for Chatelaine (a Canadian home magazine) but she goes back to the Philippines every 3 months. Her mom was my patient and she's eternally grateful that I pulled her back to life again. I didn't charge her (my PF) because she's my mom's best friend. But the X deal is better than what I expected.

4. My cosmetic freebies. Sigh, I'll miss my facials, spa and cosmetic freebies. Perks of befriending the whole Cosmo mag staff and courtesy of my best friend in the pharma business.

3. My patients. Honestly. I hope I could feel the same compassion to other races but it's getting a little longer than I expected. I may sound racist but if you were taught to care for little brown people, it needs a little more effort to understand and feel empathy for big white rednecks and big brothas from the hood. You know what I mean. I even read The Invisible Man by Thomas Ellison and The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison to listen to the black man's voice. It did help a lot. But it me who needs a little work (i.e. exposure).

2. My room. I feel elated when I am surrounded with my books. (I know, I know--I am a geek. I thought that's settled already.)

1. Boracay. I will definitely go back here for a shot of paradise.

Have you ever...?

Have you ever had a friend who brought a great change in your life? Some trivial sleight of hand that he never thought would change your everyday life? Let me cite an example. I have a close friend who gives her best to everything. Academics, creative stuff, sports...and even in covering books. We share the same passion for books and with it, the strange notion that covering it with plastic will extend its supposed lifespan. I cover my books alright...haphazardly that is. Well, this friend has the habit of getting my books from me to cover it in a rather more decent way: neatly trimmed flaps, taping it ON the plastic and not ON the cover and keeping the plastic nice and taut over the front and back covers. Pretty much an obsessive-compulsive thing to do...but that's how she is. I tell you: IT HAUNTS ME. Now, everytime I cover my new books, all I can think of is her. (Yes, you read it right -- she.) And I quote from the musical WICKED: Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good. Pretty sentimental, huh? Well, just a random thought.

Have you ever found paradise? I mean a place that you can say This is MY f**king paradise and I don't care if yours is better. A place that you can go to, even inside your mind, whenever you want to drone out the commotion of real life. A place where you could have your very own peace and quiet and at the same time allows you to think and conteplate your own thoughts. It is a place where you can defy the contradictions of your ideals and still say, "Life is still beautiful". It will sound cliche, but yes, I did find it in Boracay. And anytime I am lost with the rigors of the world, I just close my eyes and imagine being there. They say if you found your paradise, you can never be lost. I think its true.

Have you ever been considerably happy? A point in your stay on earth that you could say you had a no-bull, truly and genuinely happy moment in time. This will sound a little mushy, but, I was happy when I was singing. It was a time when I look forward to every choir practice after school, to every gig in some dinghy hotel and to every concert we staged. It took off the stress I painfully acquired from my chosen profession. It dulls the unsolicited reproach of my sexuality. It gave me the license to be free. Do I want to do it for the rest of my life? I want to, but I can't. Because behind that, there's a looming sign that says REAL LIFE glaring at my face. It sucks to be a grown-up.

Have you ever thought if you could go on with the rest of your life alone? I got this from the movie Shall We Dance? (I am now convinced that Jennifer Lopez is a really terrible actress):

People get married because they want someone to be a witness to their lives. There are a billion souls in this planet and your life is just one, one in the whole damn universe. But if you have someone in your life, you have a witness of how you spent all those years.

Painfully true, I reckon. Being someone without any experience about relationships and in THIS "side of the boat", its a little, rather, taunting fact for me. I don't want to be tipped over the edge and be lost in the murky water of unattached souls. I need a witness. And a steady hand to keep me from reeling over.

Random thoughts in this side of the world.

Sense and Sensibilities

I picked a fight with some twerp in another blogging country. He replied to my post in that site regarding this UP guy who doesn't want to flaunt his Atenean heritage. I told him that most of my friends in UP are Ateneans and we had the grandest time in Diliman. Ateneans were just being labeled as assholes and prudish...why not break through the stereotype? Then, this dumbass UP guy replied:

what's wrong with being an atenean? I came from the grade school and I really learned a lot. Not to be mayabang or anything but you could see the difference between a person who came from a private elementary school or not with the way they act upon the smallest of things. I hoped I don't get flamed (again).

He didn't got flamed (What does this mean? Sunog? Please, spare me.) I torched him. I called him all possible names you can be called in hell. He introduced a completely tangential point and it hit my social consciousness right between the eyes.

Well, I guess when you're a medical doctor spending the last 2-3 years serving the marginalized members of the society, your sensibilities change. Being poor is definitely not a choice for some people and there's a lot of people who take their social status for granted. I can still hear my professors in medschool preaching: "Give your patients the dignity they deserve. Especially the poor and the tax payers...they are the ones who sent you to school." Although my parents are the ones who always REMIND me that there are debts to be paid, I am truthfully and honestly grateful to the hoardes of patients who let themselves be examined, questioned, sutured, IE-ed, casted, etc. when I was in PGH. And most of them are poor. And did not even attend co-ed schools like Sacre!

Call me high-strung or even weird. I guess it's the weather. And my age is becoming a factor, too. But this guy needs some serious straightening up. UP pa naman sya.

What specialty fits you most?

I took the test and this came up:

The medical specialty for you is.... Cardiology

Cardiology is the best of all specialties. As a cardiologist, you'll be sure to profit from the sharp increase in obesity. You'll open at clinic across the street from a McDonalds and retire a billionaire.

To find out what specialty best fits your unique personality, go to:

What Medical Specialty Is For You?

WHAAT! For a person who regards ECG as "squiggly lines". No way, jose. But you'll never know...I might do it for the money. He he.

Two Birthdays

Pictures during connie's birthday. We staged a lousy surprise party for her. Her husband, Ricky, blew us off. He asked her to dress rather nicely on that day. Knowing Connie, she sniffed out our surprise plans from his rather uncalled for request.


Hanging out at loqui's bar

Connie blowing her caramel cake

Red should have been the color of the day. Apparently some people are not aware.